Sunday 30 May 2010

f-king delleusional.

"And such a nature is prone to love and ready to return love, always embracing that which is akin to him. And when one of them meets with his other half, the actual half of himself, whether he be a lover of youth or a lover of another sort, the pair are lost in an amazement of love and friendship and intimacy, and one will not be out of the other's sight, as I may say, even for a moment: these are the people who pass their whole lives together, and yet they could not explain what they desire of one another. For the intense yearning which each of them has towards the other does not appear to be the desire of lover's intercourse, but of something else which the soul of either evidently desires and cannot tell, and of which she has only a dark and doubtful presentiment."

- from aristophane's speech in plato's symposium.

Friday 28 May 2010

latent variable.

sometimes you notice things about yourself you don't like, traits that you know are hard to change and you just learn to accept about yourself.

but then, sometimes, you also notice things about yourself that you like.
and when you are going through a process of self-discovery and change, it's strangely comforting to realise that you're essentially still you.

even if you don't know exactly who you are.

"blessed be Your name
in the land that is plentiful
where Your streams of abundance flow
blessed be Your name.

blessed be Your name
when i'm found in the desert place
though i walk through the wilderness
blessed be Your name."

- blessed be Your name, matt redman.

Thursday 27 May 2010

strawberry cheesecake.

dissertation topic changed again.
i can do this.

"you see, i can be myself now, finally
in fact there's nothing i can't be."

- hey soul sister, train.

Wednesday 26 May 2010

perah santan.

TWO full scholarships to choose from!
and a distinction within reach!

and only a 15,000-word dissertation in my way. which, the way things are going, i'll only have two days to finish writing, because i'll only get my complete dataset two days before it is due.

well okay, i'll have about 9,000 words ready before then (by next wednesday, hopefully!). and ready as in, approved-by-family ready (hopefully!). and then 9,000 words ready by the weekend, as in approved-by-supervisor ready (hopefully!).
so that when i collect the rest of my data by tuesday afternoon (the 8th), i'll be able to have everything coded by tuesday night (hopefully!), spend tuesday night, wednesday day and night writing furiously, have a draft by thursday morning (hopefully!), get it supervisor-approved by thursday evening (hopefully!), get it bound, and hand it in friday at noon (no hopefully - i MUST).

right.
scholarships, distinction, dissertation...
let's go.

Monday 17 May 2010

they call me superman.

i walk a little taller,
smile a little brighter,
laugh a little louder,
breathe a little deeper.

Sunday 16 May 2010

shake it like a polaroid picture.

i've always talked about change as something inevitable, and therefore something we should just accept. but maybe a better way to look at change is as something we need. no matter how well things are going, or rather, especially when things have been going well for a while, ennui tends to set in. feeling comfortable usually means there is nothing making us squirm, nothing challenging us. and sure, we need that too, every once in a while. but then we get tired of routine and habit, start seeking out novelty... and when we get it, gripe about having to readjust. at least i do; i'm masochistic that way.

so. some day in the future, when i'm complaining about the way things are and wishing that i could go back to the way things used to be, i shall look back on this post and... i dunno, "be reasonable".

"somebody once asked,
could i spare some change for gas
i need to get myself away from this place
i said yep, what a concept
i could use a little fuel myself
and we could all use a little change."

- all star, smash mouth.

Friday 14 May 2010

mozzarella.

"the trick is to do it right."

Tuesday 11 May 2010

but if you try sometimes.

i've been thinking lately about how easy it is to get greedy. when things have been going well for some time, the slightest mishaps seem unfair. and then when one thing goes wrong i start to pick out everything else that is going wrong at the same time, no matter how trivial and petty.

and then i gripe about it and realise how ridiculous i sound. i can be such a brat at times. but i've been spoilt over the past eight months... it's hard not to get used to it. heh heh.

on a separate note:
sometimes you don't know how much you need something until you lose it;
sometimes you don't know how much you wanted something until you get it.

i've never really experienced the latter, until recently. it's quite an eye-opener.

Monday 10 May 2010

i've lost my number; can i have yours?

i have 107 journal articles on autism and theory of mind!
and still only 6 participants.
and about 31 days until my dissertation is due.
10,000 more words to write.
33 days until i leave cambridge for about 3 months.
during which i will be home after having been away for about 10 months.
before which i will be experiencing 45-degree weather.

=O

"when the whole world fits inside of your arms,
do we really need to pay attention to the alarm?"

- banana pancakes, jack johnson.

edit: make that 121 articles! ah, now i feel less like haven't learnt much this year...

Monday 3 May 2010

i'm a believer.

"love, then do what you will."
- st augustine of hippo.

Saturday 1 May 2010

stop right now, thank you very much.

"and i don't pretend to know what you know
now please don't pretend to know what's on my mind
if we already knew everything that everybody knows
then we would have nothing to learn tonight
and we would have nothing to show tonight
oh, but everybody thinks that everybody knows
about everybody else, nobody knows
anything about themselves
'cos they're all worried about everybody else."

- wasting time, jack johnson.