Wednesday 10 November 2010

negaraku.

the more i read about post-colonial malaysian history, outside of our history textbooks and the malaysian media, the more i understand why we are where we are today, and the more i doubt we will ever get out of this vicious cycle.

i think the malaysians of my generation in particular, of all races and religions, have been done a great injustice, and malaysians, again of all races and religions, will inevitably face the consequences. i know i sound pessimistic and cynical when i say this, but i can't help but feel like this is probably as close to 1malaysia as we will get.

Tuesday 9 November 2010

25 years.

"do you love me?

do i what?

do you love me?

do i love you?
with our daughters getting married
and this trouble in the town
you're upset, you're worn out
go inside, go lie down!
maybe it's indigestion..

golde, i'm asking you a question... do you love me?

you're a fool!

i know... but do you love me?

do i love you?
for twenty-five years i've washed your clothes
cooked your meals, cleaned your house
given you children, milked the cow
after twenty-five years, why talk about love right now?

golde, the first time i met you
was on our wedding day
i was scared

i was shy

i was nervous

so was i

but my father and my mother
said we'd learn to love each other
and now i'm asking, golde
do you love me?

i'm your wife!

i know... but do you love me?

do i love him?
for twenty-five years i've lived with him
fought with him, starved with him
twenty-five years, my bed is his
if that's not love, what is?

then you love me?

i suppose i do

and i suppose i love you too

it doesn't change a thing
but even so
after twenty-five years
it's nice to know."

- do you love me?, fiddler on the roof.

Friday 5 November 2010

cem palavras.

last night i dreamt of a kitten that kept trying to bite me and then i realised it was a vampire kitty and it was sucking my blood.

and then i dreamt that i walked into a pool of water and when i walked out my legs were covered in leeches.

and then i dreamt that i was in the middle of a war and i was trying to hide from "them" and "they" found me and were taking me to a concentration camp.

strange in itself, but even stranger that these dreams followed what was a very good day.

"oh i know that the music's fine like sparkling wine
go and have your fun."

- save the last dance for me, the drifters.

Tuesday 2 November 2010

on giving.

and what is fear of need but need itself?
is not dread of thirst when your well is full, thirst that is unquenchable?

- the prophet, khalil gibran.