tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-54860262342132805142024-03-13T00:30:54.357+00:00my realitydelle.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03791509146691772619noreply@blogger.comBlogger359125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5486026234213280514.post-82327329082820205932013-03-22T17:51:00.000+00:002013-03-23T01:31:24.438+00:00onde está você agora?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
so... five months since the last update! where to start?<br />
<br />
things didn't fall into place quite as neatly as i was hoping it would work-wise, and i have yet to see most of my work 'come into fruition' - this was frustrating, scary, disappointing, etc., and sometime at the start of last term i felt very... lost. it was as though i had been trying to swim from one end of a pool to the other completely under water, and i finally came up for air thinking i <b>must</b> be close to the edge and found that i was only halfway across the pool and had been swimming diagonally instead of straight across. but not all is lost. i did make my way across half the pool, and swimming diagonally meant i explored more of the pool (not sure this works as a metaphor...), but anyway, long story short i just need to put my head back down and 'just keep swimming', this time while trying to keep my eyes open under water.<br />
<br />
badminton! so much badminton over the past five months, but i'm not complaining. i made it into the uni team, and even played a couple of games for cambridge - i remember being so <b>nervous </b>my first game away, it was ridiculous! there was barely any pressure put on me, but still i really can't remember the last time i felt that nervous. now i empathise a lot more when i see world-class players making (what seems like) silly mistakes in important games - i used to think, 'come <b>on</b>! this is what you've been practising so much for! don't throw it away just because of <b>nerves</b>!', but yeah, i guess it's not as easy as it seems. and i think somewhere along the way i lost some of my confidence, and i was
just tired out from everything put together so that my playing suffered
towards the end... i still play better than i used to though (and a good thing too, given i've been playing around four times a week), and catz won cuppers in both ladies and mixed (i.e., my college team won this inter-college badminton competition) so i would say badminton was generally positive all around. except for the half-hour cycles in the snow/rain/freezing cold to get to uni practices on friday nights. that wasn't positive.<br />
<br />
and of course, wedding(s) planning. we've been making progress! and i'm now back in malaysia to do (hoepfully) my last bit of fieldwork as well as sort out what i can for the wedding, because the next time i come back we'll probably be two weeks away from the wedding here (and we will be legally married!)! from the last time i posted, we've taken care of a few other big ones: <b>the </b>dress, a website, the guestlist, one set of invitations, flowers (mostly), one set of flights, most of the paperwork needed for registration in portugal (which was a bit complicated because i'm not portuguese), i've just ordered the rings... so yeah, moving forwards. still lots to do though - suit, saree, cheongsam, photographer(s)/videographer, the other invitations, shoes, makeup and hair,... <br />
<br />
one of the things that has stood out for me recently in this wedding process is how nice it's been to invite people to the weddings, to see them excited, even touched, about being invited. now people are starting to book trips and plan travels, and it's so nice to be a part of that and to look forward to them being a part of the weddings. and as i've said before, we're really grateful to have been blessed with family and friends who have rallied when we've needed help, who have taken time out of busy schedules and gone out of their way to find out a bit of information for us, or have gone (and will go) around with us from place to place looking for something we need. in that way i feel as if the wedding has already begun, that this planning process is an important aspect of the wedding itself, not just the lead up to it.<br />
<br />
and on that note, i am also thankful and proud that this process has been a happy one - i think it can very easily become a chore, a source of disagreements, and the breeding ground for dissatisfaction, when two people have to work on a project over a prolonged period of time. both have to pull their weight, there has to be give and take, there has to be indulgence but also restraint... and it can be difficult to pull off without issue. i guess we still have a few months to go (and then many, many, many, many, many, many years after), but i'd say we're doing just fine. and that's reassuring. =)<br />
<br />
i really need to start doing shorter posts to i don't end up writing novels like this one!<br />
<br />
<span class="text 1Cor-13-11" id="en-NIV-28677"><sup>"</sup>when i was a child, i talked like a child, i thought like a child, i
reasoned like a child. </span><br />
<span class="text 1Cor-13-11" id="en-NIV-28677">when i became a man, i put the ways of childhood behind me.</span><br />
<span class="text 1Cor-13-12" id="en-NIV-28678">for now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. </span><br />
<span class="text 1Cor-13-12" id="en-NIV-28678">now i know in part; then i shall know fully, even as i am fully known."</span><br />
<span class="text 1Cor-13-12" id="en-NIV-28678">- 1 corinthians 13:11, 12 </span></div>
delle.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03791509146691772619noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5486026234213280514.post-41754389257501659682012-10-02T21:36:00.000+01:002012-10-03T21:36:43.048+01:00Canguru, diz-me tu.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span lang="EN-GB">So again, snapshots of life from the past
few months, in bullet-points:</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-font-width: 0%;">-<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span><span lang="EN-GB">What a summer! I’ve literally been all
over the place, to Malaysia, the States, and Portugal… I’ve enjoyed the travelling, as tiring as it
was, but I’m also happy to be back in Cambridge.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-font-width: 0%;">-<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span><span lang="EN-GB">I have a flat! And it is in the
process of becoming a <i>home. </i></span><span lang="EN-GB">It’s the first time
since leaving home that I’m not sharing my kitchen and living room with a bunch
of other people. I can leave my toiletries in the bathroom! I don’t have to
worry about dirty dishes piling up because other people aren’t responsible
enough to do them! I have <i>space.</i></span><span lang="EN-GB"> And I can
decorate! I never bothered very much with personalising my previous rooms in
Oregon and here in Cambridge (other than by leaving lots of my stuff lying
around, very neatly of course), because they always felt very temporary. This
flat could be temporary too, really – I’m not sure I can keep it next year. But
still! Like I said, it feels more like a home, probably because it’s more
private.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-font-width: 0%;">-<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span><span lang="EN-GB">Wedding planning is a lot of work.
Especially when you have to plan a couple of different events in a couple of
different countries… from neither of those countries! There are so many things
to think about! It hasn’t been too overwhelming though, and I think we’re on top of things (so far!). We’ve also had lots of support from our
families, for which we’re very grateful. We have dates and venues pretty much
set, which was our aim for the summer, so yay! Now for guest lists,
invitations, dresses, flowers, rings, music, flights…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-font-width: 0%;">-<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span><span lang="EN-GB">Putting on a veil with a wedding dress
makes a wedding DRESS aWEDDING dress.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-font-width: 0%;">-<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span><span lang="EN-GB">Planning a wedding is a lot of work,
planning a couple of weddings is even more work, and planning a couple of
weddings while writing up a PhD is just plain intimidating! But also exciting.
It’s nice to see my work come into fruition (at least, I hope it will), and to
have things fall into place. After two years of running around trying to get
lots of fieldwork done, it’s nice to be a bit more settled and to be able to
focus on <i>results.</i></span><span lang="EN-GB"> Just don’t ask me what my
plans are for the following year yet.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-font-width: 0%;">-<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span><span lang="EN-GB">As this is the final year of my PhD,
I’m going through a bit of… separation anxiety? with regards to my status as a
student. After my PhD I won’t be a student anymore! There’s no other degree
that is a natural progression from this one, just… a career (which sounds too
adult-y, ugh). Some people argue a PhD is pretty much a job, and is really the
start of a career, but still, while doing a PhD I am a <i>student</i></span><span lang="EN-GB">. I get student discounts. I have a flexible schedule. I don’t have
a restrictive amount of leave. I don’t have to pay council tax. So I’m going
through a bit of a ‘carpe diem’ phase now, where I want to do EVERYTHING! I
want to go for lots of random lectures, I want to learn a language (or brush up
on the ones I know), I want to dance, I want to play badminton, I want to
travel… andplanmanyweddingsandcompleteaPhD. I’ll ride my wave of gung-ho while
I can.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-font-width: 0%;">-<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span><span lang="EN-GB">I’ve also been going through a stage
of nostalgia lately. I think it’s mainly due to the fact that my flat is
currently internet-less, which has meant I’ve had to find alternative ways of
entertaining myself rather than surfing the net mindlessly. One of the things
I’ve been doing is working my way through the movies I had on my external hard
drive, which I never got around to watching previously. And since I’ve had to
access my external hard drive, I’ve also stumbled across many documents and
pictures that I have stored in there, many of them pre-Cambridge, and some of
them even going into my early teens! I don’t know if nostalgia is the right
word for it, really, because I don’t have the same longing for the times past
as I would have had I gone through these things two or three years ago. But
it’s been a feeling of fondness. Seeing all the people that were a part of my
life, and people that were a part of my life and still are… and looking at
myself at 14, 17, just before going to the States, in the States… it gets me
trying to remember what was going through my mind then, to remember what my
life was like, to remember what the relationships I had were like and to ponder
on what they have become.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-font-width: 0%;">-<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span><span lang="EN-GB">And finally, I will end on a bit of a
cryptic note – because there are some things that I want to remember in the
future, which are a bit too personal for such a public place. I want to
remember the conversation we had by the river, the three of us. I want to
remember scales and arpeggios. I want to remember your patience, your
indulgence, and your generosity. And I want to remember this part of the
journey with Him.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">PS. The title means ‘Tell me, kangaroo’,
from a Portuguese song. The full line goes ‘Tell me, kangaroo, how many hairs
have you… in your nose?’</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">PPS: I have recently learned that
‘Hungarian’ (as in, a person from Hungary) is ‘Húngaro’, which to me sounds a
lot like kangaroo in Portuguese. And that tickles me.</span></div>
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</div>
delle.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03791509146691772619noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5486026234213280514.post-81549168319378632132012-05-30T11:40:00.000+01:002012-05-30T11:40:35.358+01:00job 1:21.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
the past month has simply flown by!<br />
<br />
it's been really nice to celebrate with family and friends from all over the world, to hear from and catch up with people that i hadn't been in touch with for a long time, to be caught up in the initial excitement of wedding planning (twice over!), and to bask in the certainty that i feel everytime i ask myself if this is what i want to do.<br />
<br />
i'm just in such a good place in life at the moment (and have been, really, for a couple of years) - i enjoy the work i do, i have flexible work hours, i don't have any financial concerns, i have the luxury of being able to travel often, i have someone to share this experience with, and i have people in my life whom i love and am loved by. to top it all off, it's been sunny for the past few days!<br />
<br />
granted, i still have my adelle worries about whether my work is good enough and that what i'm doing isn't impressive enough, and i've started thinking about what lies beyond my phd... but then i think that's just going to be a constant in my life.<br />
<br />
anyway. the one thing that has really stood out to me in all of this, and even more so recently, is that everything doesn't stop just because something big and happy has happened to me. as much as i want everyone to forget everything else and just celebrate with me, life goes on - for everyone else as well as myself. and that's just the way things are, really.</div>delle.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03791509146691772619noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5486026234213280514.post-65587010260033831252012-05-12T00:58:00.002+01:002012-05-12T00:58:54.525+01:00veni, vidi, vici.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
3.45 am. taxi. bus. airport. venice! canals. cicchetti. espresso. gelato. grand canal. b&b. balcony. the view. canals. piazza san marco. gelato. bridge of sighs. que sera sera. traghetto. pizza. pasta. bathroom. espresso. the call. balcony. sunshine. canals. wind. clouds. vaporetto. no sunset. cold. tired. shower. pasta. wine. tiramisu. wander. vaporetti station. back. 10.10 pm. no one. stuck. one knee. question. resposta. ring. let's go. let's stay. calle va al forno. garbage bag. puddle. palace. b&b.<br />
<br />
que sera sera.<br />
<br />
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<br /></div>delle.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03791509146691772619noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5486026234213280514.post-78263444777834091982012-04-30T08:33:00.001+01:002012-04-30T08:33:27.483+01:00'get up, elephant!'<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
every once in a while, i find myself going through old posts in my blog and discovering snippets of myself that have faded into the far corners of my memory - snippets that used to be a part of me, snippets that are still a part of me, and snippets that i wanted to be a part of me. it's nice to see that some things haven't changed and to see that some things have, but most of all it's nice to have this window into my past self that i wouldn't have without my blog.<br />
<br />
and so it's really quite a pity that i haven't been blogging as often as i used to. then again, it's partly reflective of where i am in life right now - more stable, i think, would be a succinct way of putting it. less angst-y (so less to rant about). plus i'm on a comfortably high plateau where everything is wonderful and if i kept blogging about it i'd make everyone who reads my blog (including future-me) sick.<br />
<br />
but i think it's about time i recorded some random bits and pieces that i'd probably like to be reminded about when the present is no longer present. here goes (in no particular order)!<br />
<br />
1. i am now the proud owner of six potted plants - thyme, flat-leaf parsley, cactus flowers, gerberas, chrysanthemums, and most recently, orchids. i've always loved having plants around, but i hadn't the slightest inkling of how to take care of them. i always treated them like cut flowers, to be honest - put them where they look nicest, and enjoy them while they last because they won't survive very long! but with this batch of plant-pets, although i still have no idea how to take care of them, i'm taking more of a long-term view of them - watering them regularly, making sure they get enough sunshine, and trying not to let them get too cold (by leaving them near open windows). and it seems to be working! i've had the cactus flowers and gerberas (which i got the earliest) for about three months now and they're not only still alive, but the gerberas are flowering again! i lost one flower before it bloomed, but now there's one that's big and tall and should open any day now, and another one that's starting its journey up. satisfying!<br />
<br />
2. badminton has become quite an integral part of me. i'm not an extremely good player, to be sure, but i'm definitely much better than i was before i came to cambridge. i don't just enjoy it for the exercise, but for the social side of it too - the people that i know in college are the ones i play badminton with, and yesterday i played badminton in the malaysian oxbridge games, which helped me to get to know more fellow malaysians here. i played for the oxford team though (long story) and so got to know a few malaysians from oxford too. so yes, i like badminton very much and would take it over going to the gym or going for a run any day (especially with the crazy english weather we've been having lately).<br />
<br />
3. english weather is crazy. and cold. and wet. i know it makes the uk as green and pretty as it is (the rain, that is), and if there wasn't winter there wouldn't be spring (which is currently my favouritest season by far, at least when it behaves like spring should, and not like winter)... but it's something i would prefer to avoid. especially in a place like cambridge where i have to cycle everywhere.<br />
<br />
4. the intervention i've been working on has been hard work, but really valuable hands-on experience too. it's been thought-provoking talking to the mothers of children with autism - seeing their pain, their determination, their weariness... but most of all their love. it has taught me tact when dealing with them and their children (prior to this intervention autism was more theory than a reality to me), and also helped me realise what a vocation and super-full-time job parenthood is.<br />
<br />
i could go on, but i think i'll leave the rest for another time. to be continued!</div>delle.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03791509146691772619noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5486026234213280514.post-15675352138511063912012-01-03T14:37:00.003+00:002012-01-03T14:46:30.749+00:00déjà vu.'pra que chorar<br />se o sol já vai raiar<br />se o dia vai amanhecer<br />pra que sofrer<br />se a lua vai nascer<br />é só o sol se pôr<br />pra que chorar<br />se existe amor<br />a questão é só de dar<br />a questão é só de dor<br /><br />quem não chorou<br />quem não se lastimou<br />não pode nunca mais dizer<br />pra que chorar<br />pra que sofrer<br />se há sempre um novo amor<br />em cada novo amanhecer.'<br /><br />- pra que chorar, vinicius de moraesdelle.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03791509146691772619noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5486026234213280514.post-32799810213619404062011-11-03T12:26:00.003+00:002012-01-03T14:47:06.568+00:00what doesn't kill you makes you fat.i just stumbled upon something i wrote when i was on the way back from malaysia in january, and thought it quite relevant to post now:<br /><br />i wonder if it's better to be realistic or idealistic. on the one hand, realism keeps expectations in check, it means you're less likely to be disappointed. but on the other hand, idealism enables you to dream and to believe that dreams <span style="font-weight:bold;">do</span> come true.<br /><br />there's more to lose by being idealistic - or isn't there? you 'lose' more simply because you hope for more, but if you don't imagine the seemingly impossible, isn't that 'losing' too? because there's a lot less of a chance that you may one day realise the seemingly impossible? but maybe that's what it is - maybe you don't feel like you lose as much simply because you don't <span style="font-weight:bold;">know</span> that you're missing out. a case of ignorance being bliss.<br /><br />but once you've experienced the ideal - the dream, the seemingly impossible that you had stopped yourself from desiring, it's hard to go back. you begin to worry that if you start being realistic, you'll destroy the magic. maybe if you continue being idealistic, the dream will continue, because now you would be working with destiny instead of telling destiny what it can and cannot do. <br /><br />but then what happens if the ideal is not meant to last? if the dream is really more a daydream, and you're meant to enjoy it for a while and then go back to reality? what if going back to being realistic <span style="font-weight:bold;">is</span> the way to keep the ideal going?<br /><br />is it possible to be realistic <span style="font-weight:bold;">and</span> idealistic, at the same time?<br /><br /> I<br /><br />The Owl and the Pussy-cat went to sea<br /> In a beautiful pea green boat,<br />They took some honey, and plenty of money,<br /> Wrapped up in a five pound note.<br />The Owl looked up to the stars above,<br /> And sang to a small guitar,<br />'O lovely Pussy! O Pussy my love,<br /> What a beautiful Pussy you are,<br /> You are,<br /> You are!<br />What a beautiful Pussy you are!'<br /><br /> <br /> II<br /><br />Pussy said to the Owl, 'You elegant fowl!<br /> How charmingly sweet you sing!<br />O let us be married! too long we have tarried:<br /> But what shall we do for a ring?'<br />They sailed away, for a year and a day,<br /> To the land where the Bong-tree grows<br />And there in a wood a Piggy-wig stood<br /> With a ring at the end of his nose,<br /> His nose,<br /> His nose,<br />With a ring at the end of his nose.<br /><br /> III<br /><br />'Dear pig, are you willing to sell for one shilling<br /> Your ring?' Said the Piggy, 'I will.'<br />So they took it away, and were married next day<br /> By the Turkey who lives on the hill.<br />They dined on mince, and slices of quince,<br /> Which they ate with a runcible spoon;<br />And hand in hand, on the edge of the sand,<br /> They danced by the light of the moon,<br /> The moon,<br /> The moon,<br />They danced by the light of the moon.<br /><br />- the owl and the pussycat, edward lear.delle.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03791509146691772619noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5486026234213280514.post-55816200817329094052011-08-19T05:01:00.003+01:002011-08-19T07:13:04.011+01:00sucking too hard on your lollipop.they say to reach for the moon because even if you miss, you'll land among the stars.
<br />i guess stars are cool, but what if you really had your heart set on the moon?
<br />
<br />
<br />"and suppose i never ever met you
<br />suppose we never fell in love
<br />suppose i never ever let you
<br />kiss me so sweet and so soft
<br />
<br />suppose i never ever saw you
<br />suppose we never ever called
<br />suppose i kept on singing love songs
<br />just to break my own fall."
<br />
<br />- fidelity, regina spektor.delle.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03791509146691772619noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5486026234213280514.post-31982530714972736892011-08-13T06:23:00.002+01:002011-08-13T06:32:54.157+01:00midsummer night's dream."tô louca pra te ver chegar
<br />tô louca pra te ter nas mãos
<br />deitar no teu abraço, retomar o pedaço
<br />que falta no meu coração
<br />
<br />eu não existo longe de você
<br />e a solidão é o meu pior castigo
<br />eu conto as horas pra poder te ver
<br />mas o relógio tá de mal comigo
<br />porquê?
<br />
<br />porquê?"
<br />
<br />- fico assim sem você, adriana calconhotto.
<br />delle.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03791509146691772619noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5486026234213280514.post-51719849653902558212011-08-11T03:09:00.002+01:002011-08-11T03:16:32.279+01:00grab somebody sexy tell 'em hey.LA has been a lesson in joint attention, MLUs, and engagement;
<br />a revision of independence, self-sufficiency and ambition;
<br />and a reminder of friendship, hospitality and generosity.
<br />
<br />i might even go so far as saying it was worth the nightmare that was the journey from LHR to LAX. =)delle.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03791509146691772619noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5486026234213280514.post-23045852612311955412011-08-06T03:46:00.004+01:002011-08-08T04:22:25.380+01:00there is no cake.it's weird to be back in the states. i keep experiencing flashes of familiarity, of memories that had been tucked away somewhere in my mind. the brands sold in grocery stores, the restaurants available, the american dollars and quarters, the tv shows and ads, mass... it's strange, i think, because the us never really became home for me and yet this is where i spent almost two years of my life, so i'm surprised when things are recognizable, and surprised when things appear foreign.<br /><br />it doesn't help that i came over here alone, leaving loved ones behind, just like i did almost four years ago... but this time i'm just here for a few weeks, and i'm meeting up with people from such different stages of my life - an old friend from secondary school, an old friend from the university of oregon, and my family. it's a confusing mix of same and different.<br /><br />more than anything, it's the emotional flashbacks that i wasn't quite expecting. i now remember how much i turned inwards while i was here, how much self-reflection i did. i remember how independent and self-sufficient i was almost forced to become. but at the same time, being here has reminded me that it wasn't all bad, and that this part of me is still there if i ever need it.<br /><br />i now see how i've had a lot of strong wind, earthquake, fire and walking on water since i've left the states, and while i was here there was a lot more of the quiet whispering.<br /><br />on a separate note, people here say i speak with a british accent, but people in the uk say i sound american. last week someone asked me how they say 'lunch' in the uk.delle.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03791509146691772619noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5486026234213280514.post-82726438721266621302011-03-12T00:23:00.002+00:002011-03-12T00:28:52.888+00:00por isso, meu amor.nao tenha medo de sofrer<br />que todos os caminhos me encaminham pra voce.delle.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03791509146691772619noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5486026234213280514.post-42116654285466719412011-03-07T21:42:00.002+00:002011-03-07T21:47:58.574+00:00it is better to have loved and lost, than to live with a psycho for the rest of your life."you were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.<br />you shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days.<br />ay, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.<br />but let there be spaces in your togetherness,<br />and let the winds of the heavens dance between you.<br /><br />love one another, but make not a bond of love:<br />let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.<br />fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.<br />give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.<br />sing and dance together and be joyous,<br />but let each one of you be alone,<br />even as the strings of a lute are alone<br />though they quiver with the same music.<br /><br />give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.<br />for only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.<br />and stand together yet not too near together:<br />for the pillars of the temple stand apart,<br />and the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow."<br /><br />- the prophet, on marriage; khalil gibran.delle.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03791509146691772619noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5486026234213280514.post-61039760904667486562011-01-14T21:12:00.003+00:002011-01-14T21:15:39.394+00:00september.today, i learnt that it is easier to not know what to expect but to hope something good will happen, <br /><br />than to not know what to expect but to hope that what you want will happen.delle.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03791509146691772619noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5486026234213280514.post-38669807643895748102011-01-11T15:12:00.003+00:002011-01-11T15:21:22.231+00:00carrot."if it's love<br />and we decide that it's forever<br />no one else could do it better<br /><br />if it's love<br />and we're two birds of a feather<br />then the rest is just whenever<br /><br />and if i'm addicted to loving you<br />and you're addicted to my love too<br />we can be them two birds of a feather<br />that flock together<br /><br />love, love<br />got to have something to keep us together<br />love, love<br />that's enough for me."<br /><br />- if it's love, train.delle.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03791509146691772619noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5486026234213280514.post-38235693768131759262011-01-07T07:30:00.003+00:002011-01-07T07:34:52.082+00:00relativity.never before has a period of time seemed to me both so short and so painfully long at the same time.delle.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03791509146691772619noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5486026234213280514.post-74747618543546171722011-01-01T02:55:00.004+00:002011-01-01T02:58:19.854+00:00it must happen with you.2010 was the best year of my life thus far. bring on 2011!<br /><br />"i've had the time of my life<br />no, i've never felt this way before<br />and i swear, this is true<br />and i owe it all to you...<br /><br />... dirty bit."<br /><br />- the time (dirty bit), black eyed peas.delle.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03791509146691772619noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5486026234213280514.post-90499723578252992352010-12-17T11:59:00.004+00:002010-12-17T16:31:22.666+00:00chega de saudade.i think i've forgotten how to be excited for christmas. after spending it away from home and family for three years, and spending those three christmases mostly alone, i think i've learnt to associate it with nostalgia and a tinge of sadness. <br /><br />it doesn't help that the days get ridiculously short (by my standards anyway) and that it gets uncomfortably cold in december. especially because i seem to be powered by sunshine and (relative) warmth.<br /><br />this past week has reminded me of how i've spent the last three decembers, and i don't like it. it's the loneliness. watching multiple shows online every day (i'm now up to date on the apprentice, the big bang theory, how i met your mother, desperate housewives, and glee). sleeping, and always trying to sleep more because it fills time. eating alone. deciding whether it's worth taking a shower or not. you get the idea.<br /><br />but every once in a while, when i look out the window at snowy rooftops, or cycle up king's parade (when it's not windy, raining or snowing), or overhear a tour guide, or have a productive day at work, or remember the places i've been and the things i've seen, or think of the people i have in my life... i'm filled with an immense sense of gratitude for being where i am today. and i feel like such a brat for complaining!<br /><br />so. homeward-bound tomorrow. i'm very glad to be going home to spend christmas with the pushparatnams and leows once again. and i'm looking forward to spending time with the gang. and i'm <strong>extremely</strong> happy about getting away from the cold and coats, and going back to 12 hours of sunlight a day and shorts! and char siew and nasi lemak and chee cheong fan and...<br /><br />but. at the same time, i know this christmas is going to be associated with nostalgia and a tinge of sadness as well. and you know, in a twisted way, i'm actually grateful for that as well - because i know why those feelings will be there, and i think it's a reason to be thankful for.delle.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03791509146691772619noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5486026234213280514.post-76398508249162896582010-12-11T20:00:00.003+00:002010-12-11T20:04:18.398+00:00two thousand words.<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6EqMUz0egCGc4xlQjpMswciCMUunBtvAkaXex39RBLdxfUCQFMuBuIyCZqpJwhO_p732uOeq031YKlPMs3PV8z6gOzyF7mT6oCWyt2gLnVpjMXASkXUzeAy5K9aGSQgbjXHqL7NErkic/s1600/IMG_5097.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6EqMUz0egCGc4xlQjpMswciCMUunBtvAkaXex39RBLdxfUCQFMuBuIyCZqpJwhO_p732uOeq031YKlPMs3PV8z6gOzyF7mT6oCWyt2gLnVpjMXASkXUzeAy5K9aGSQgbjXHqL7NErkic/s320/IMG_5097.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5549517127682449490" /></a>love, amsterdam, 13 november 2010.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUh7vqalZMFxXrBjUN6ZvTFKPKuPpmm72bjIkASVMGQYA7Etd1bMGwFsfgHHkmbM6j9RaUGEFcfBswRgFd_ly87qtGQ0niqTVzppwYKA4Xm7V4mWKjJGC2RXyKTgMRz9hda0AJ9jK8qlo/s1600/IMG_5333.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUh7vqalZMFxXrBjUN6ZvTFKPKuPpmm72bjIkASVMGQYA7Etd1bMGwFsfgHHkmbM6j9RaUGEFcfBswRgFd_ly87qtGQ0niqTVzppwYKA4Xm7V4mWKjJGC2RXyKTgMRz9hda0AJ9jK8qlo/s320/IMG_5333.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5549517143893113842" /></a>christmas market, prague, 6 december 2010.delle.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03791509146691772619noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5486026234213280514.post-66161550757312909092010-11-30T09:14:00.002+00:002010-11-30T09:18:38.327+00:00apakah "hak" sebenarnya?<object width="640" height="390"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/PxNupI_bmxo&hl=en_US&feature=player_embedded&version=3"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/PxNupI_bmxo&hl=en_US&feature=player_embedded&version=3" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" allowScriptAccess="always" width="640" height="390"></embed></object>delle.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03791509146691772619noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5486026234213280514.post-34105278945493167432010-11-10T17:07:00.003+00:002010-11-10T17:23:35.588+00:00negaraku.the more i read about post-colonial malaysian history, <strong>outside</strong> of our history textbooks and the malaysian media, the more i understand why we are where we are today, and the more i doubt we will ever get out of this vicious cycle.<br /><br />i think the malaysians of my generation in particular, of all races and religions, have been done a great injustice, and malaysians, again of all races and religions, will inevitably face the consequences. i know i sound pessimistic and cynical when i say this, but i can't help but feel like this is probably as close to 1malaysia as we will get.delle.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03791509146691772619noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5486026234213280514.post-49280060656684201702010-11-09T11:46:00.003+00:002010-11-09T11:53:15.362+00:0025 years."do you love me?<br /><br />do i what?<br /><br />do you love me?<br /><br />do i love you?<br />with our daughters getting married<br />and this trouble in the town<br />you're upset, you're worn out<br />go inside, go lie down!<br />maybe it's indigestion..<br /><br />golde, i'm asking you a question... do you love me?<br /><br />you're a fool!<br /><br />i know... but do you love me?<br /><br />do i love you?<br />for twenty-five years i've washed your clothes<br />cooked your meals, cleaned your house<br />given you children, milked the cow<br />after twenty-five years, why talk about love right now?<br /><br />golde, the first time i met you<br />was on our wedding day<br />i was scared<br /><br />i was shy<br /><br />i was nervous<br /><br />so was i<br /><br />but my father and my mother<br />said we'd learn to love each other<br />and now i'm asking, golde<br />do you love me?<br /><br />i'm your wife!<br /><br />i know... but do you love me?<br /><br />do i love him?<br />for twenty-five years i've lived with him<br />fought with him, starved with him<br />twenty-five years, my bed is his<br />if that's not love, what is?<br /><br />then you love me?<br /><br />i suppose i do<br /><br />and i suppose i love you too<br /><br />it doesn't change a thing<br />but even so<br />after twenty-five years<br />it's nice to know."<br /><br />- do you love me?, fiddler on the roof.delle.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03791509146691772619noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5486026234213280514.post-25840148437882728452010-11-05T10:37:00.005+00:002010-11-05T10:57:03.211+00:00cem palavras.last night i dreamt of a kitten that kept trying to bite me and then i realised it was a vampire kitty and it was sucking my blood.<br /><br />and then i dreamt that i walked into a pool of water and when i walked out my legs were covered in leeches.<br /><br />and then i dreamt that i was in the middle of a war and i was trying to hide from "them" and "they" found me and were taking me to a concentration camp.<br /><br />strange in itself, but even stranger that these dreams followed what was a very good day.<br /><br />"oh i know that the music's fine like sparkling wine<br />go and have your fun."<br /><br />- save the last dance for me, the drifters.delle.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03791509146691772619noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5486026234213280514.post-75554594356985551422010-11-02T14:56:00.001+00:002010-11-02T14:58:03.727+00:00on giving.and what is fear of need but need itself?<br />is not dread of thirst when your well is full, thirst that is unquenchable? <br /><br />- the prophet, khalil gibran.delle.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03791509146691772619noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5486026234213280514.post-66836284445785577422010-10-25T09:27:00.002+01:002010-10-25T09:33:36.958+01:00hello, world.the proud dignity<br />of the moon in the blue sky,<br />the sun in its eyes.delle.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03791509146691772619noreply@blogger.com0