heh.

i'm glad she didn't fall for it, and i'm glad she has a sense of humor.
it could've turned out really bad you know, and nobody would be laughing.
you got lucky that time.

gut feelings.

you know how sometimes you have this gut feeling about something, and you wonder if you should say something about it, but you're worried about feeling stupid if you turn out to be wrong?

remember that you could also end up feeling stupid if you turn out to be right and you didn't say anything. lol.

gut feelings are underestimated.

and so we meet.

i woke up today and the sun wasn't shining;
the streets outside were gleaming,
the smooth green lawns were sparkling.

i went out today and a cold breeze was blowing;
rain dripped from the trees,
i looked up and saw gray.

i walked back today and it was finally drizzling;
hello, infamous oregonian rain.

oh no!

omg omg omg.
i thought social dev started at 1pm, when it actually starts at 12.
realized it when i was walking out of my room to head to class.
not like i was lazing around or anything - i was doing chem.
class ends in 20 minutes. damn.
the stuff we're covering today is stuff i've covered in research methods back in HELP tho, so hopefully i didn't miss much.
damn damn damn.
see this's is why i should get my sleep. =(

awesome.

today was a good day.

nothing particularly big happened, but today i felt more in control, and more comfortable than i did before. as if i'm slowly but surely breathing in the environment and finding that i won't choke on it like i did when i smoked pot yesterday. just kidding =) did i give you a heart attack? don't worry.. the most american thing i've done so far is speak up in class. HONORS class. i actually put up my hand and shared my opinion on the epic of gilgamesh (or part of it), and a pretty good opinion it was too, i think (well doh.) we talked about the concept of god(s), religion, civilization vs nature, life and death, destiny... you know, the light stuff. it was the first time i felt "hey, i can do this honors lit thing... i might even enjoy it!" awesome. thankfully my professor chose a translation of the original text (cos obviously we aren't reading the sumerian cuneiform version of it - there weren't enough clay tablets to go around) that was done in prose, so it was way more readable than i expected it to be. still not completely done tho, bout 10 thin-leafed, small-printed pages to go and then we begin on the next big adventure that is the odyssey. like i said, awesome.

okay, one of the main reasons why today was a good day was because of yesterday. lol. basically for some reason i just could NOT get anywhere on time! and i tried, i really really did. oh actually i was on time for work, but that's it. and getting out of a warm bed at 6.30 is about as fun as having to take all your clothes off in a drafty not-so-private shower cubicle. when i walked to work i had the whole mist-when-you-breathe-out thing, which was pretty cool actually except for the fact that it was there because it was so cold >.< work was good.. met 5 new kids, all of them adorable - lucy, jp, hollander, bayan, and taelor. actually i met more kids, but these are the only ones i know the names of for now cos these were the kids in my class. two of them actually took my hand without me offering, which is a major achievement! and they did loadsa cute stuff like when i had them on the see saw one of the girls went "teeter totter, teeter totter..." and it was hilarious to watch them try to throw a ball into a mini basketball hoop (tho i didn't laugh out loud of course cos otherwise they wouldn't hold my hand). so that part of the day wasn't too bad, but then classes started. first class of the day was social development, and i gave myself 15 minutes to get to class which was plenty, cos the building it was in wasn't too far from my room. halfway there i realize
that i'd forgotten to check which class it was in, but i didn't wanna go back to my room to check cos then i'd be late. so i walked a bit faster (was huffin' it, as one girl from my honors class put it), and prayed that i'd find someone from the same class (tho i didn't know anyone who did as it was the first class) so i could follow them - it wasn't just blind hope kay, i was hoping to see someone carrying the textbook for the class or something. but of course i couldn't find anyone, and everyone i asked was doing political science and i was getting desperate... so i huffed it back to my room and then huffed it back to straub (the psych building) reaching only 5/10 minutes late, which really isn't too bad considering the circumstances. thing is, here in america everyone starts on time >.<

kay so that was social dev. i met up with joon to get our cellphones (i have a cellphone! =D so i don't have to be a recluse anymore.), which ended up taking waaay longer than expected, so i had to huff it back to my room to change for a hip hop class i decided to take for fun. as i was huffin it, i realized to my horror that i'd left my keys in my room! (had to happen sooner or later, but really, did it hve to be just then?) so. i huffed it to the area desk, loaned a pair of keys (i can only get locked out twice more before they start charging me), huffed it back to my room, changed, huffed it to the dance class, and again got there 5/10 minutes late. only! but they'd already started. dance class wasn't so bad.. did pretty basic stuff but i'm stiff from having not done formal dance for so long! then. i realized that class finished at 5.50, not 4.50 as i originally thought. extra hour of dance, not a bad thing... but the problem was, i have to attend training/meetings at the children's center every tuesday at 6! lol. so after class i huffed it back to my room to change (thankfully i wasn't all sweaty), huffed it over to the children's center, and got there 5/10 minutes late. again. i blame my malaysian-ness. >.<

so. as to what that has to do with today being a good day... i was on time for EVERYTHING today! and i didn't get locked out. muahaha. so i still have my two chances. i even had time to read before class. hah! in chem class, which i was on time for, the prof started off by giving us this complicated question to solve that i think only 2 people got, and no, i wasn't one of them because i didn't cube something. but i was happy with myself for getting that close.. at the last class i was too busy catching up with what the prof was saying that i didn't get very far. so, major improvement! in addition to classes i wasn't late for an appointment i had with a phd student who's doing research on theory-of-mind, which is basically about how children learn about other's beliefs, feelings etc... and i managed to get involved in her research project! =D i won't be doing much cos i don't have the time... more calling parents to recruit them and their kids, but i'll learn how to run the experiments and maybe actually get to do some of the "real stuff" too, so it's one foot in which is, you got it, awesome. then i actually lay on the grass under the nice warm sun (which soon got too hot so i moved under the shade - think i was the only one lol. (malaysian la, what to do) reading psychology (for my next class), and that was way awesome too. i'm gonna do more of that before the infamous rain starts. then my cog dev class that i wasn't late for was really interesting... i really don't know why not people study psych. the lectures are presented so well, the stuff you learn is so applicable, the textbooks aren't boring... anyway. less men more share! then i had a short break and it was time for lit class which i've already told you guys about. and in between classes i actually managed to get work done, so i was on top of things today. a bit behind for tomorrow, thanks to this post, but i think i'll manage.

and i found out that i'll probably be able to get involved with the international student association, tho not as an intern as i originally intended cos that would require 5 hours a week which i can't afford but it's a start. and it would ensure some kinda social life for me too lol. speaking of which, it's nice to have a cellphone (they don't say handphone here) after not having one for so long... not so much because i was suffering withdrawal symptoms, but more cos i can actually contact people and they can contact me whenever they want, instead of just when i'm in my room, which thanks to work and class alone isn't very much.

so yeah, all in all, pretty awesome don't you think? =)

my arms hurt...

...from lugging overpriced and overweight textbooks across campus from the bookstore to my room. i spent $325.05 on them, and they're not even new! bought them all secondhand. i'd better be able to sell them back at the end of term. that's right, i'll only be using them for ONE term. except for the most expensive one that i can use for three. but still. that's like 1000 ringgit. on books. alone. for one term. ouch ouch ouch.

had my first lecture this morning... twas chem. it wasn't too bad, did a review on some of the basic stuff, nothing i couldn't handle. definitely gonna take a while for me to get back into the groove of things tho - i kept zoning out. think my attention span has reduced dramatically over the past 4 months or so of sloth.

one of the biggest differences i've observed so far between class here and classes back home is that people actually put up their hands to answer questions from the professor - the professor doesn't have to call on anyone and doesn't have to face an akwardly silent classroom with everyone looking everywhere but at him/her. it's pretty nice. have yet to gather the guts to put my hand up to answer something... i blame my meek asian heritage lol.

anyway, something came up recently with a friend that made me think about crushes. is a crush something to be taken seriously? what is a crush in the first place? is it a romantic feeling we have towards a person that is transient, and therefore something we should do nothing about? do we know when it's "just" a crush? what if we mistake it for something more? if a guy says he likes you, how do you know if it'll last, or if it'll fade away like it did for the last girl he had feelings for? what if you think a crush might develop into something more and then find out that you're mistaken? is it then better to just let it be, and not do anything about it? or what if you think it's nothing and later find out that it is something and it's too late? and if crushes are transient and not anything to be taken seriously, then is having a crush while you're with someone else considered "cheating" if you don't do anything about it?

so many gray areas, and so many trapdoors to fall through, and yet so much potential for gain.

good thing?

life has taught me how to walk alone.

hokey pokey.

haha i just went for my first meeting/briefing/orientation thing for my new job at the moss street children's center, and we did the hokey pokey, among other things. the director of the center said his favorite tshirt says "what if the hokey pokey IS what it's all about?".

i think i'll enjoy work =)

more alice.

"...she went on, 'would you tell me, please, which way i ought to go from here?'

'that depends a good deal on where you want to get to,' said the cat.

'i don't much care where--' said alice.

'then it doesn't matter which way you go,' said the cat.

'--so long as i get SOMEWHERE,' alice added as an explanation.

'oh, you're sure to do that,' said the cat, 'if you only walk long enough.'"

- alice in wonderland, lewis carroll.

progress.

hello everybody! haha i'll keep this one short since people have been commenting on how insanely long my posts are. two words: verbal diarrhea.

the first big event would be my first dip into the honors college... it wasn't an icy cold shock, nor was it nice and warm. i'd say lukewarm. i think because i didn't know anyone, so i kinda kept to myself for the most part. met new people of course, but like at lunch i was the kid who didn't have anyone to sit with and i felt very much like the kid in the movies who doesn't have anyone to sit with at lunch. not so nice. but then this girl that i met asked me to sit with her and two of her friends, so it got a bit better =) i would say the first session was intimidating - i didn't really say anything, more of observed and got a feel of what it was gonna be like. i think it's gonna be a challenge but a good experience.

i've also got my classes pretty much sorted out - found out i can take 400-level papers (4th year papers) already, although i have sophomore (2nd year) standing, so that's pretty awesome. i'm taking 2 of em - social development and cognitive development. i'm also doing chem under the honors college, since i have to do a science and i prefer chem to bio and physics. my fourth and last subject is honors lit, and i don't know what it's specifically about because it didn't have a course description. had to sign up for it because it was the only one available... most students could sign up earlier cos they came for orientations like in july! but i think my classes aren't too bad la. i need books tho! class starts on monday, which leaves tomorrow for books. eek.

um, i also have a job! pretty much got hired on the spot, which was really cool. think pushing my major and my work experience did it for me =) at this child center working with 2-3 year olds, which is awesome! only 6 hours a week on minimum wage tho, so it's not much. but it's a start =) looking around at some other positions, not all paid, so we'll see how those go. we're allowed to do up to 20 hours a week so i've got quite a lot of time to fill.

last thing: skype is awesome! so far i've video chatted with mel, kit, val, dav, and ping and it's been fantastic, especially since it's free! typical kiasu malaysian i am. =) oh and speaking of malaysian (this's the last thing, i promise), i cooked at adrian's today.. they decided it was my turn. so i managed to do a fried rice with stir fry that tasted very much like home, so that was nice. no sign of food poisoning yet, so yay! kay i'm off to bed now... night night!