Sunday, 20 December 2009
Tuesday, 15 December 2009
be careful what you wish for.
how is it possible that it is christmas is only 10 days away, 2010 is 17 days away, my trip to australia was four months ago, the end of july was five months ago, i left eugene 6 months ago, and i am less than 6 months from finishing my mphil?
the past week and a half has dragged on longer than the two months of term... with all my extra-curriculars put on hold, most of the grads away for the break, and the depressingly short days, i've taken too many naps, forced myself to sleep in too often, streamed too many tv shows online and eaten way too much.
oh winter, how i loathe thee.
at least there's christmas and new year's to look forward to. or is there?
come on canterbury, dover, bath, bristol and london. try to make christmas back home a little less appealing, will you?
"'cause you're the storm that i've been needing
and all this peace has been deceiving
i like the sweet life and the silence
but it's the storm that i believe in."
- you're the storm, the cardigans.
the past week and a half has dragged on longer than the two months of term... with all my extra-curriculars put on hold, most of the grads away for the break, and the depressingly short days, i've taken too many naps, forced myself to sleep in too often, streamed too many tv shows online and eaten way too much.
oh winter, how i loathe thee.
at least there's christmas and new year's to look forward to. or is there?
come on canterbury, dover, bath, bristol and london. try to make christmas back home a little less appealing, will you?
"'cause you're the storm that i've been needing
and all this peace has been deceiving
i like the sweet life and the silence
but it's the storm that i believe in."
- you're the storm, the cardigans.
Tuesday, 24 November 2009
with or without you.
i wonder what exactly it is that makes us so afraid of being alone?
"if i lie here,
if i just lay here,
would you lie with me
and just forget the world?"
- chasing cars, snow patrol.
"if i lie here,
if i just lay here,
would you lie with me
and just forget the world?"
- chasing cars, snow patrol.
Friday, 13 November 2009
>=|
i didn't get to row today because one of my crew overslept!
and i had to wake up at 6.15, cycle in the pouring rain, get out the oars and heavy boat, and cycle back in the pouring rain.
i was completely drenched! and cold. i need waterproofs.
gripegripegripegripe.
and i had to wake up at 6.15, cycle in the pouring rain, get out the oars and heavy boat, and cycle back in the pouring rain.
i was completely drenched! and cold. i need waterproofs.
gripegripegripegripe.
Thursday, 12 November 2009
rise and shine.
i've discovered that since getting to cambridge, i've felt like i've made it. like i am now enjoying the fruits of my labour, the culmination of my 14 years of school - i'm here, and i have nothing left to prove. i also feel like i have been given a chance to fix all the mistakes i made during my undergrad, to do everything i didn't get a chance to do for the past three and a half years. i love the fact that almost everyone i've met here isn't defined just by what their studying and how well they're doing in class. needless to say, academics is a big part of their lives, but it's not all their lives are about. as it rightfully should not be. everyone knows at least two languages, plays (or used to play) at least one instrument, does a sport, dances...
and i have absolutely reveled in it. in case my past few posts haven't given you enough of an idea, i rowed this morning (all eight of us rowed at the same time for the first time ever!), watched my first silent movie (twice; it might be a big part of my dissertation), played fooseball, had two short naps, watched a couple of episodes of "the big bang theory" (introduced to me by val), played badminton in the evening, looked up possibilities for my end year break, cycled in the pouring rain for rock n roll, kicked someone in the head while trying to do a flip, got dropped once or twice,got kicked in the shins once or twice, and actually managed to complete the flip once or twice...
and i felt guilty.
guilty because i feel that in my determination to avoid a repeat of my nerdhood in help and oregon, i've perhaps tipped the balance a little too much in the opposite direction. i firmly believe that i am here at cambridge for a reason, and i am certain that friends, traveling, badminton, rock n roll, rowing, and church are as much parts of that reason as my classes, research and fancy piece of paper that i get at the end of these 9 months. but i think i need to start looking at it the other way too: my classes, research and fancy piece of paper that i get at the end of these 9 months are as much parts, if not more so, of why i'm here at cambridge as friends, traveling, badminton, rock n roll, rowing and church.
i must, and i will, do my best on my assignments, dissertation, and applications for my phd. that said, i will not drop everything else for it. if i'm going to do well enough, i'm going to do well enough while having the time of my life.
i know there is a master plan, and it's reassuring. but it is also dangerous.
i cannot and must not stop rowing for the shore.
or rowing along the cam. which i have to be up for in about 6 hours!
heh heh.
after that though, there's going to be a noticeable change. hold me to that.
and i have absolutely reveled in it. in case my past few posts haven't given you enough of an idea, i rowed this morning (all eight of us rowed at the same time for the first time ever!), watched my first silent movie (twice; it might be a big part of my dissertation), played fooseball, had two short naps, watched a couple of episodes of "the big bang theory" (introduced to me by val), played badminton in the evening, looked up possibilities for my end year break, cycled in the pouring rain for rock n roll, kicked someone in the head while trying to do a flip, got dropped once or twice,got kicked in the shins once or twice, and actually managed to complete the flip once or twice...
and i felt guilty.
guilty because i feel that in my determination to avoid a repeat of my nerdhood in help and oregon, i've perhaps tipped the balance a little too much in the opposite direction. i firmly believe that i am here at cambridge for a reason, and i am certain that friends, traveling, badminton, rock n roll, rowing, and church are as much parts of that reason as my classes, research and fancy piece of paper that i get at the end of these 9 months. but i think i need to start looking at it the other way too: my classes, research and fancy piece of paper that i get at the end of these 9 months are as much parts, if not more so, of why i'm here at cambridge as friends, traveling, badminton, rock n roll, rowing and church.
i must, and i will, do my best on my assignments, dissertation, and applications for my phd. that said, i will not drop everything else for it. if i'm going to do well enough, i'm going to do well enough while having the time of my life.
i know there is a master plan, and it's reassuring. but it is also dangerous.
i cannot and must not stop rowing for the shore.
or rowing along the cam. which i have to be up for in about 6 hours!
heh heh.
after that though, there's going to be a noticeable change. hold me to that.
Wednesday, 28 October 2009
isn't it ironic, don't you think?
so.
on monday i went for a run and played wii for the first time in my life.
yesterday i rowed, played badminton, and tried out acrobatic rock 'n' roll.
today i met up with marta and ali for hot chocolate at an italian cafe and ended up chatting for about 3 hours, and also went for continental rock 'n' roll.
tomorrow i'm going to row, play badminton, and go for formal.
on friday i might try ballroom and latin.
this saturday i'm going to nottingham to play badminton at the malaysian nottingham games, probably followed be a halloween party.
on sunday i have rowing, badminton and rock 'n' roll lined up.
BUT, believe it or not, i actually attend classes and seminars somewhere in between.
i've read about 20 journal articles and 2 academic books.
i've made about 30 pages of notes (12 point font, single-spaced) based on what i've read.
and when i think about it, getting all that reading and notes done in 2 1/2 weeks isn't too bad.
is it?
i don't know if i'm doing too little work! or if i'm doing too much of the other stuff! and i don't get how i still have time to feel bored and unproductive! and watch multiple episodes of the simpsons every day!
i blame my 18-credit-hour-terms-plus-work-plus-research-plus-ucf-plus-an-attempt-at-a-social-life that was my undergraduate experience. now my internal gauge of what a healthy balance between academics and extra-curricular activities is is completely warped.
have i mentioned that i also went for mass three times last week and had lunch at church all three times too?
and that i'm on the college badminton team, and probably also on the college rowing team and the uni novice rock 'n' roll team? which means that these aren't just temporary pursuits?
and that i'm also doing a masters at cambridge?
one month down, eight to go.
"keep walking, though there is no place to get to.
don't try to see through the distances;
that's not for human beings.
move within, but don't move the way fear makes you move.
today, like every other day, wake up empty and frightened.
don't open the door to the study and begin reading.
take down a musical instrument.
let the beauty we love be what we do.
there are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss the ground."
- rumi.
on monday i went for a run and played wii for the first time in my life.
yesterday i rowed, played badminton, and tried out acrobatic rock 'n' roll.
today i met up with marta and ali for hot chocolate at an italian cafe and ended up chatting for about 3 hours, and also went for continental rock 'n' roll.
tomorrow i'm going to row, play badminton, and go for formal.
on friday i might try ballroom and latin.
this saturday i'm going to nottingham to play badminton at the malaysian nottingham games, probably followed be a halloween party.
on sunday i have rowing, badminton and rock 'n' roll lined up.
BUT, believe it or not, i actually attend classes and seminars somewhere in between.
i've read about 20 journal articles and 2 academic books.
i've made about 30 pages of notes (12 point font, single-spaced) based on what i've read.
and when i think about it, getting all that reading and notes done in 2 1/2 weeks isn't too bad.
is it?
i don't know if i'm doing too little work! or if i'm doing too much of the other stuff! and i don't get how i still have time to feel bored and unproductive! and watch multiple episodes of the simpsons every day!
i blame my 18-credit-hour-terms-plus-work-plus-research-plus-ucf-plus-an-attempt-at-a-social-life that was my undergraduate experience. now my internal gauge of what a healthy balance between academics and extra-curricular activities is is completely warped.
have i mentioned that i also went for mass three times last week and had lunch at church all three times too?
and that i'm on the college badminton team, and probably also on the college rowing team and the uni novice rock 'n' roll team? which means that these aren't just temporary pursuits?
and that i'm also doing a masters at cambridge?
one month down, eight to go.
"keep walking, though there is no place to get to.
don't try to see through the distances;
that's not for human beings.
move within, but don't move the way fear makes you move.
today, like every other day, wake up empty and frightened.
don't open the door to the study and begin reading.
take down a musical instrument.
let the beauty we love be what we do.
there are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss the ground."
- rumi.
Saturday, 24 October 2009
why NOT?
i like trying new things. since i've come to cambridge, i've punted. i've attended rock n roll, salsa and breakdance classes. i've rowed. i might try canoeing next week. and ballroom and latin. i do it for the experience - i like being able to say "i've tried it", and to be able to talk about different things at least on a basic level. it's also the reason why i enjoy listening to people's conversations about topics i'm unfamiliar with, and going to places i've never been.
but see, i always just "try". i do something for a while, get mediocre at it, and then i'm done.
i play the piano, but just enough to crank out pachabel's canon in d (in c, because that way there aren't any black keys involved).
i play badminton, but just enough to get a couple of smashes in once in a while and to place the shuttle cleverly every so often.
i run, but just enough to do 3 miles consistently in under 30 minutes.
i do ballet, but just enough to do single pirouettes and get my legs at 90 degree angles.
i know mandarin, but understand just enough to get the gist of a conversation and speak only when i absolutely have to.
you get the idea.
and i always ask myself "why?": why go for the badminton uni trials when you're probably not gonna get on the team? why play for college when girton is in the lowest league? why go for the nottingham games when you're probably gonna lose anyway? why go for rock n roll when no one's gonna be able to lift you until you lose a pound or two (or ten)? why go for salsa when other girls are gonna look so much hotter and sexier than you on the dancefloor? why do breakdance when you don't have the upper body or core strength to get into and hold a freeze? why talk to a philosophy major about philosophy when you know you are going to flounder miserably?
trust me, i don't hold any delusions of grandeur about myself or my capabilities. i know how to be realistic. but i cannot allow myself to be caged in by my self-perceived limitations all the time. i've done that enough.
sure i may be laughed at and ridiculed for having tried and lost.
but i will be laughing too, and i will feel a sense of accomplishment from having played the game instead of watching from the sidelines.
realism is overrated sometimes. and so is winning, all the time.
"row, row, row your boat
gently down the stream
merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily
life is but a dream."
but see, i always just "try". i do something for a while, get mediocre at it, and then i'm done.
i play the piano, but just enough to crank out pachabel's canon in d (in c, because that way there aren't any black keys involved).
i play badminton, but just enough to get a couple of smashes in once in a while and to place the shuttle cleverly every so often.
i run, but just enough to do 3 miles consistently in under 30 minutes.
i do ballet, but just enough to do single pirouettes and get my legs at 90 degree angles.
i know mandarin, but understand just enough to get the gist of a conversation and speak only when i absolutely have to.
you get the idea.
and i always ask myself "why?": why go for the badminton uni trials when you're probably not gonna get on the team? why play for college when girton is in the lowest league? why go for the nottingham games when you're probably gonna lose anyway? why go for rock n roll when no one's gonna be able to lift you until you lose a pound or two (or ten)? why go for salsa when other girls are gonna look so much hotter and sexier than you on the dancefloor? why do breakdance when you don't have the upper body or core strength to get into and hold a freeze? why talk to a philosophy major about philosophy when you know you are going to flounder miserably?
trust me, i don't hold any delusions of grandeur about myself or my capabilities. i know how to be realistic. but i cannot allow myself to be caged in by my self-perceived limitations all the time. i've done that enough.
sure i may be laughed at and ridiculed for having tried and lost.
but i will be laughing too, and i will feel a sense of accomplishment from having played the game instead of watching from the sidelines.
realism is overrated sometimes. and so is winning, all the time.
"row, row, row your boat
gently down the stream
merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily
life is but a dream."
Monday, 19 October 2009
oh well.
after two and a half weeks of ups, i guess it was about time for a downer.
i was at a club (yes, i know, on a sunday night) and when i got out my bike was gone. at least i used it well while i had it. and at least i got it second-hand, so it wasn't a brand new one. and at least i have the front bike light. and the lock. and at least i had fun dancing.
no use fretting about it. it's been jacked, nothing i can do about it. hopefully whoever stole it needs the money (or bike), uses it for something he/she really needs, and isn't on a full scholarship or something.
moving on.
i was at a club (yes, i know, on a sunday night) and when i got out my bike was gone. at least i used it well while i had it. and at least i got it second-hand, so it wasn't a brand new one. and at least i have the front bike light. and the lock. and at least i had fun dancing.
no use fretting about it. it's been jacked, nothing i can do about it. hopefully whoever stole it needs the money (or bike), uses it for something he/she really needs, and isn't on a full scholarship or something.
moving on.
Saturday, 17 October 2009
"don't be afraid to fall on your head."
i did my first ever breakdance freeze today! and actually repeated it! and i didn't break my wrist! my arms are gonna kill me tomorrow! but i'm so excited!
*victory dance* (top rock, of course.)
*victory dance* (top rock, of course.)
Friday, 16 October 2009
win some or learn some.
yesterday's victories:
1. i went to the library and got some reading done!
2. i went for mass, and had lunch with people from church after.
3. i didn't nap!
4. i ran at least 5 miles! it was one of those days when it felt like i could have just gone on running forever.
loss:
i had a cheeseburger at 4am. again.
but badminton today! and possibly a breakdancing class lol.
"wake up everyone
how can you sleep at a time like this
unless the dreamer is the real you
listen to your voice
the one that tells you
to taste past the tip of your tongue
leap in, the net will appear
i don't wanna wake, before
the dream is over
i'm gonna make it mine
yes i, i know it
i'm gonna make it mine
yes i'll make it all mine
i keep my life on a heavy rotation
requesting that it's lifting you up, up, up and away
and over to a table at the gratitude cafe
and i am finally there
and all the angels
they'll be singing ah la la la, ah la la la
ah la la la la love this
i don't wanna break before
the tour is over
i'm gonna make it mine
yes i, i'll own it
i'm gonna make it mine
yes i'll make it ll mine
and timing's everything
and this time there's plenty
i am balancing
careful and steady
and reveling in energy that everyone's emitting
well i don't wanna wait no more
oh i wanna celebrate the whole world
i'm gonna make it mine
oh yes, i'm following your joy
i'm gonna make it mine
because i, i am open
i'm gonna make it mine
that's why, i will show it
i'm gonna make it mine
gonna make it mine
oh, mine
yes i'll make it all mine."
- make it mine, jason mraz.
1. i went to the library and got some reading done!
2. i went for mass, and had lunch with people from church after.
3. i didn't nap!
4. i ran at least 5 miles! it was one of those days when it felt like i could have just gone on running forever.
loss:
i had a cheeseburger at 4am. again.
but badminton today! and possibly a breakdancing class lol.
"wake up everyone
how can you sleep at a time like this
unless the dreamer is the real you
listen to your voice
the one that tells you
to taste past the tip of your tongue
leap in, the net will appear
i don't wanna wake, before
the dream is over
i'm gonna make it mine
yes i, i know it
i'm gonna make it mine
yes i'll make it all mine
i keep my life on a heavy rotation
requesting that it's lifting you up, up, up and away
and over to a table at the gratitude cafe
and i am finally there
and all the angels
they'll be singing ah la la la, ah la la la
ah la la la la love this
i don't wanna break before
the tour is over
i'm gonna make it mine
yes i, i'll own it
i'm gonna make it mine
yes i'll make it ll mine
and timing's everything
and this time there's plenty
i am balancing
careful and steady
and reveling in energy that everyone's emitting
well i don't wanna wait no more
oh i wanna celebrate the whole world
i'm gonna make it mine
oh yes, i'm following your joy
i'm gonna make it mine
because i, i am open
i'm gonna make it mine
that's why, i will show it
i'm gonna make it mine
gonna make it mine
oh, mine
yes i'll make it all mine."
- make it mine, jason mraz.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
