why NOT?

i like trying new things. since i've come to cambridge, i've punted. i've attended rock n roll, salsa and breakdance classes. i've rowed. i might try canoeing next week. and ballroom and latin. i do it for the experience - i like being able to say "i've tried it", and to be able to talk about different things at least on a basic level. it's also the reason why i enjoy listening to people's conversations about topics i'm unfamiliar with, and going to places i've never been.

but see, i always just "try". i do something for a while, get mediocre at it, and then i'm done.

i play the piano, but just enough to crank out pachabel's canon in d (in c, because that way there aren't any black keys involved).
i play badminton, but just enough to get a couple of smashes in once in a while and to place the shuttle cleverly every so often.
i run, but just enough to do 3 miles consistently in under 30 minutes.
i do ballet, but just enough to do single pirouettes and get my legs at 90 degree angles.
i know mandarin, but understand just enough to get the gist of a conversation and speak only when i absolutely have to.

you get the idea.

and i always ask myself "why?": why go for the badminton uni trials when you're probably not gonna get on the team? why play for college when girton is in the lowest league? why go for the nottingham games when you're probably gonna lose anyway? why go for rock n roll when no one's gonna be able to lift you until you lose a pound or two (or ten)? why go for salsa when other girls are gonna look so much hotter and sexier than you on the dancefloor? why do breakdance when you don't have the upper body or core strength to get into and hold a freeze? why talk to a philosophy major about philosophy when you know you are going to flounder miserably?

trust me, i don't hold any delusions of grandeur about myself or my capabilities. i know how to be realistic. but i cannot allow myself to be caged in by my self-perceived limitations all the time. i've done that enough.

sure i may be laughed at and ridiculed for having tried and lost.
but i will be laughing too, and i will feel a sense of accomplishment from having played the game instead of watching from the sidelines.

realism is overrated sometimes. and so is winning, all the time.

"row, row, row your boat
gently down the stream
merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily
life is but a dream."