heh.

i'm glad she didn't fall for it, and i'm glad she has a sense of humor.
it could've turned out really bad you know, and nobody would be laughing.
you got lucky that time.

gut feelings.

you know how sometimes you have this gut feeling about something, and you wonder if you should say something about it, but you're worried about feeling stupid if you turn out to be wrong?

remember that you could also end up feeling stupid if you turn out to be right and you didn't say anything. lol.

gut feelings are underestimated.

and so we meet.

i woke up today and the sun wasn't shining;
the streets outside were gleaming,
the smooth green lawns were sparkling.

i went out today and a cold breeze was blowing;
rain dripped from the trees,
i looked up and saw gray.

i walked back today and it was finally drizzling;
hello, infamous oregonian rain.

oh no!

omg omg omg.
i thought social dev started at 1pm, when it actually starts at 12.
realized it when i was walking out of my room to head to class.
not like i was lazing around or anything - i was doing chem.
class ends in 20 minutes. damn.
the stuff we're covering today is stuff i've covered in research methods back in HELP tho, so hopefully i didn't miss much.
damn damn damn.
see this's is why i should get my sleep. =(

awesome.

today was a good day.

nothing particularly big happened, but today i felt more in control, and more comfortable than i did before. as if i'm slowly but surely breathing in the environment and finding that i won't choke on it like i did when i smoked pot yesterday. just kidding =) did i give you a heart attack? don't worry.. the most american thing i've done so far is speak up in class. HONORS class. i actually put up my hand and shared my opinion on the epic of gilgamesh (or part of it), and a pretty good opinion it was too, i think (well doh.) we talked about the concept of god(s), religion, civilization vs nature, life and death, destiny... you know, the light stuff. it was the first time i felt "hey, i can do this honors lit thing... i might even enjoy it!" awesome. thankfully my professor chose a translation of the original text (cos obviously we aren't reading the sumerian cuneiform version of it - there weren't enough clay tablets to go around) that was done in prose, so it was way more readable than i expected it to be. still not completely done tho, bout 10 thin-leafed, small-printed pages to go and then we begin on the next big adventure that is the odyssey. like i said, awesome.

okay, one of the main reasons why today was a good day was because of yesterday. lol. basically for some reason i just could NOT get anywhere on time! and i tried, i really really did. oh actually i was on time for work, but that's it. and getting out of a warm bed at 6.30 is about as fun as having to take all your clothes off in a drafty not-so-private shower cubicle. when i walked to work i had the whole mist-when-you-breathe-out thing, which was pretty cool actually except for the fact that it was there because it was so cold >.< work was good.. met 5 new kids, all of them adorable - lucy, jp, hollander, bayan, and taelor. actually i met more kids, but these are the only ones i know the names of for now cos these were the kids in my class. two of them actually took my hand without me offering, which is a major achievement! and they did loadsa cute stuff like when i had them on the see saw one of the girls went "teeter totter, teeter totter..." and it was hilarious to watch them try to throw a ball into a mini basketball hoop (tho i didn't laugh out loud of course cos otherwise they wouldn't hold my hand). so that part of the day wasn't too bad, but then classes started. first class of the day was social development, and i gave myself 15 minutes to get to class which was plenty, cos the building it was in wasn't too far from my room. halfway there i realize
that i'd forgotten to check which class it was in, but i didn't wanna go back to my room to check cos then i'd be late. so i walked a bit faster (was huffin' it, as one girl from my honors class put it), and prayed that i'd find someone from the same class (tho i didn't know anyone who did as it was the first class) so i could follow them - it wasn't just blind hope kay, i was hoping to see someone carrying the textbook for the class or something. but of course i couldn't find anyone, and everyone i asked was doing political science and i was getting desperate... so i huffed it back to my room and then huffed it back to straub (the psych building) reaching only 5/10 minutes late, which really isn't too bad considering the circumstances. thing is, here in america everyone starts on time >.<

kay so that was social dev. i met up with joon to get our cellphones (i have a cellphone! =D so i don't have to be a recluse anymore.), which ended up taking waaay longer than expected, so i had to huff it back to my room to change for a hip hop class i decided to take for fun. as i was huffin it, i realized to my horror that i'd left my keys in my room! (had to happen sooner or later, but really, did it hve to be just then?) so. i huffed it to the area desk, loaned a pair of keys (i can only get locked out twice more before they start charging me), huffed it back to my room, changed, huffed it to the dance class, and again got there 5/10 minutes late. only! but they'd already started. dance class wasn't so bad.. did pretty basic stuff but i'm stiff from having not done formal dance for so long! then. i realized that class finished at 5.50, not 4.50 as i originally thought. extra hour of dance, not a bad thing... but the problem was, i have to attend training/meetings at the children's center every tuesday at 6! lol. so after class i huffed it back to my room to change (thankfully i wasn't all sweaty), huffed it over to the children's center, and got there 5/10 minutes late. again. i blame my malaysian-ness. >.<

so. as to what that has to do with today being a good day... i was on time for EVERYTHING today! and i didn't get locked out. muahaha. so i still have my two chances. i even had time to read before class. hah! in chem class, which i was on time for, the prof started off by giving us this complicated question to solve that i think only 2 people got, and no, i wasn't one of them because i didn't cube something. but i was happy with myself for getting that close.. at the last class i was too busy catching up with what the prof was saying that i didn't get very far. so, major improvement! in addition to classes i wasn't late for an appointment i had with a phd student who's doing research on theory-of-mind, which is basically about how children learn about other's beliefs, feelings etc... and i managed to get involved in her research project! =D i won't be doing much cos i don't have the time... more calling parents to recruit them and their kids, but i'll learn how to run the experiments and maybe actually get to do some of the "real stuff" too, so it's one foot in which is, you got it, awesome. then i actually lay on the grass under the nice warm sun (which soon got too hot so i moved under the shade - think i was the only one lol. (malaysian la, what to do) reading psychology (for my next class), and that was way awesome too. i'm gonna do more of that before the infamous rain starts. then my cog dev class that i wasn't late for was really interesting... i really don't know why not people study psych. the lectures are presented so well, the stuff you learn is so applicable, the textbooks aren't boring... anyway. less men more share! then i had a short break and it was time for lit class which i've already told you guys about. and in between classes i actually managed to get work done, so i was on top of things today. a bit behind for tomorrow, thanks to this post, but i think i'll manage.

and i found out that i'll probably be able to get involved with the international student association, tho not as an intern as i originally intended cos that would require 5 hours a week which i can't afford but it's a start. and it would ensure some kinda social life for me too lol. speaking of which, it's nice to have a cellphone (they don't say handphone here) after not having one for so long... not so much because i was suffering withdrawal symptoms, but more cos i can actually contact people and they can contact me whenever they want, instead of just when i'm in my room, which thanks to work and class alone isn't very much.

so yeah, all in all, pretty awesome don't you think? =)

my arms hurt...

...from lugging overpriced and overweight textbooks across campus from the bookstore to my room. i spent $325.05 on them, and they're not even new! bought them all secondhand. i'd better be able to sell them back at the end of term. that's right, i'll only be using them for ONE term. except for the most expensive one that i can use for three. but still. that's like 1000 ringgit. on books. alone. for one term. ouch ouch ouch.

had my first lecture this morning... twas chem. it wasn't too bad, did a review on some of the basic stuff, nothing i couldn't handle. definitely gonna take a while for me to get back into the groove of things tho - i kept zoning out. think my attention span has reduced dramatically over the past 4 months or so of sloth.

one of the biggest differences i've observed so far between class here and classes back home is that people actually put up their hands to answer questions from the professor - the professor doesn't have to call on anyone and doesn't have to face an akwardly silent classroom with everyone looking everywhere but at him/her. it's pretty nice. have yet to gather the guts to put my hand up to answer something... i blame my meek asian heritage lol.

anyway, something came up recently with a friend that made me think about crushes. is a crush something to be taken seriously? what is a crush in the first place? is it a romantic feeling we have towards a person that is transient, and therefore something we should do nothing about? do we know when it's "just" a crush? what if we mistake it for something more? if a guy says he likes you, how do you know if it'll last, or if it'll fade away like it did for the last girl he had feelings for? what if you think a crush might develop into something more and then find out that you're mistaken? is it then better to just let it be, and not do anything about it? or what if you think it's nothing and later find out that it is something and it's too late? and if crushes are transient and not anything to be taken seriously, then is having a crush while you're with someone else considered "cheating" if you don't do anything about it?

so many gray areas, and so many trapdoors to fall through, and yet so much potential for gain.

good thing?

life has taught me how to walk alone.

hokey pokey.

haha i just went for my first meeting/briefing/orientation thing for my new job at the moss street children's center, and we did the hokey pokey, among other things. the director of the center said his favorite tshirt says "what if the hokey pokey IS what it's all about?".

i think i'll enjoy work =)

more alice.

"...she went on, 'would you tell me, please, which way i ought to go from here?'

'that depends a good deal on where you want to get to,' said the cat.

'i don't much care where--' said alice.

'then it doesn't matter which way you go,' said the cat.

'--so long as i get SOMEWHERE,' alice added as an explanation.

'oh, you're sure to do that,' said the cat, 'if you only walk long enough.'"

- alice in wonderland, lewis carroll.

progress.

hello everybody! haha i'll keep this one short since people have been commenting on how insanely long my posts are. two words: verbal diarrhea.

the first big event would be my first dip into the honors college... it wasn't an icy cold shock, nor was it nice and warm. i'd say lukewarm. i think because i didn't know anyone, so i kinda kept to myself for the most part. met new people of course, but like at lunch i was the kid who didn't have anyone to sit with and i felt very much like the kid in the movies who doesn't have anyone to sit with at lunch. not so nice. but then this girl that i met asked me to sit with her and two of her friends, so it got a bit better =) i would say the first session was intimidating - i didn't really say anything, more of observed and got a feel of what it was gonna be like. i think it's gonna be a challenge but a good experience.

i've also got my classes pretty much sorted out - found out i can take 400-level papers (4th year papers) already, although i have sophomore (2nd year) standing, so that's pretty awesome. i'm taking 2 of em - social development and cognitive development. i'm also doing chem under the honors college, since i have to do a science and i prefer chem to bio and physics. my fourth and last subject is honors lit, and i don't know what it's specifically about because it didn't have a course description. had to sign up for it because it was the only one available... most students could sign up earlier cos they came for orientations like in july! but i think my classes aren't too bad la. i need books tho! class starts on monday, which leaves tomorrow for books. eek.

um, i also have a job! pretty much got hired on the spot, which was really cool. think pushing my major and my work experience did it for me =) at this child center working with 2-3 year olds, which is awesome! only 6 hours a week on minimum wage tho, so it's not much. but it's a start =) looking around at some other positions, not all paid, so we'll see how those go. we're allowed to do up to 20 hours a week so i've got quite a lot of time to fill.

last thing: skype is awesome! so far i've video chatted with mel, kit, val, dav, and ping and it's been fantastic, especially since it's free! typical kiasu malaysian i am. =) oh and speaking of malaysian (this's the last thing, i promise), i cooked at adrian's today.. they decided it was my turn. so i managed to do a fried rice with stir fry that tasted very much like home, so that was nice. no sign of food poisoning yet, so yay! kay i'm off to bed now... night night!

i have skype!

add me people!
my username's dellelled.
free conversations bay-beh!
and you might get to see me if you're lucky (i.e. if i can figure out how to do it).
i like the internet =)

naivete?

when i was walking out of autzen stadium after the game, i overheard this 7 or 8 year old boy say to his grandfather, "you know what makes the moon shine? the sun."

ah, child-like wonder.

pictures yo!

and finally... pictures! =D





























eh why so hard to format with pictures ah? i'm too tired to try figuring it out, so i'll just put all the captions down here (when i type them out they're at the bottom, but goodness knows where they'll end up >.<
and you guys pandai-pandai match them up la kay? they're in order, don't worry =P

rebecca and i on the small plane we took from frisco to eugene.
dick and peggy.
dick and peggy’s house.
my room at their place.
an example of how people dressed up for the pet parade!
sunset over eugene from skinner’s butte.
the 2000 piece jigsaw. wonder how much progress peggy’s made =P
walton smith, the hall I’m staying in.
one of the entrances to the knight library. the other entrance says “and the truth shall set you free” =)
a random tree on campus making a pretty shadow. lots of trees on campus make pretty shadows on campus =)
yayoi and me
my side of the room from one angle…
and from another. yayoi’s side of the room is a mirror image of mine in terms of layout. nice not?
joon and some pretty vulgar looking flowers lol.
me in my “oregon ducks” tshirt on the way to the game.
autzen stadium from outside.
autzen on the inside. huge!
the line-up (? i think that’s what it’s called.) oregon’s in green, we were against fresno state from california, and they’re in red. we won!
The marching band in formation – can you read what they’re spelling out?
cheerleaders! sorry i couldn’t get a better picture guys.
our mascot the duck! he was allowed on the field after the game =P
at the picnic.
the pond and ducks at alton baker.
beth and brian, people i met at the picnic.
adrian, whose house is where we’ve been having our dinner parties.
sean, who has been doing most of the cooking. didn’t taste too bad both times, and i’m still alive! =P


there. anyone have any requests for any other pictures of people/places/stuff i might have mentioned but didn't put up?
kay good night i need sleep! lots and lots of sleep. enjoy!

i want i need.

gosh i feel so overwhelmed by everything i'm trying to do within the next two years.
i need more time. but do i have time to spare?
i have time. rather, do i have money to spare to pay for that time?
i want to do it. i know i can.

honors college intimidates me. but the challenge makes it all the more appealing.
i want to do more than psychology. it means more work but the challenge makes it all the more tempting.
i want to travel. and it can't get any more tempting or appealing.
i want to do it. i know i can.
but can i? please?

the edge.

i decided to put this up as a separate post cos it's a thinky one, which i haven't put up in a while cos i've been so busy updating. so here goes.

you know when you're mean to people, and tease them, and don't hang out with them, and label them "weird"... do you ever wonder how much of an effect it's having on them? i'm not talking about the good-natured fun, tho that can sometimes be taken too far too, but more the "justified" meanness. the kind where you actually mean what you sayand say it for a reason, and don't associate yourselves with them because you just don't get along. i know it's human nature, and you can't be friends with everyone, and you can't like everyone, and maybe they "deserve" it... but have you ever wondered?

have you ever considered the possibility that you might be pushing them toward the edge? the edge that we so often make light of, make fun of and speak about in jest? over the edge that is the point of no return? over which there is so much darkness and trauma and loneliness? the edge that is so far away to us but is very much a reality for them, a reality that they would much rather not face? have you ever considered that the damage does not stop there, and that the aftershocks shake the world of more people than you'll ever know?

and here's what gets to me... when you do find out that the possibility you didn't consider is not a possibility after all but is in fact what you did do, tho maybe not single-handedly, how on earth can you just pretend to feel remorse over it and go on making a joke out of it? how?

would i be a hypocrite if i distanced myself from you then?

it's cold!

again, it's cold! it's now come to the point where i shiver the minute i take my clothes off in the shower, dread turning th hot water off, and then start shivering again the minute i do, until i dry myself off and put on my nice, thick bathrobe, which i'm so glad i have! have i described the showers here? don't think i have.. basically my floor has 3 cubicles that don't have doors but shower curtains. so if you take the first or second one, there's a pretty good chance of someone getting a peek at all of you at some point, if they come into the shower room. i only use the third cubicle. and then they don't have the twist taps with two separate faucets for hot and cold water, but this swivel thing where like you push it round, and it goes from cold to hot, if that makes sense. so you don't have a choice but to start off with a blast of cold water! it's very unpleasant, but an extremely effective wake up tool! so now i've taken to standing in the second cubicle (the cubicles don't have walls between them, just shower curtains) to turn on the water, then once it turns hot i step back in the third, more private cubicle to proceed with my shower. andd.. they don't have anything to put your soap/shampoo/whatever on, so you have to put them on the floor. which wouldn't be such a problem if turning off the water was such a problem (because then it's cold, and you have to start with the blast of cold water again) and if the cubible wasn't so small! it sucks when you don't want to wash your hair but get it all wet anyway when you bend down to get your soap >.< but i've been balancing my soap and stuff on the shower curtain rails, so it's not so bad now. exhibit a of neccesity being the mother of invention =)

moving on from showers, it's been a busy but pretty uneventful two days. to pick up where i left off, i went to this guy's place for a dinner party - a guy cooked, and it didn't taste too bad! -, played some cards (they do mafia too!), left to go for mass, and then went back again to play truth or dare jenga and i never =P mass was pretty good.. the church isn't too big, so it's quite cosy. felt like i hadn't been for mass for such a long time and it was nice to be back. also felt comforting to be at a place that was unfamiliar and yet so familiar... i liked the gospel readings too, so yeah daddy, they were pretty fitting =) one of the cool things that night was getting to know more people, and just hanging out with them. they're nice enough, and quite fun but not "too cool for you" kinda people, so i felt comfortable enough. the other cool thing was how i wasn't like shunned for going for mass.. i mean i got poked a few times (but in a good way) and i'm now known as the "good girl" (what's new =P), but they didn't like ostracize me for it, which i was (justifiably or not) worried about. and i thru i never i got the first round of finding out how many of them have had sex and have smoked pot, but there were also some of them who haven't, so yeah, we can never generalize. and then you also realize that they can be nice and have sex and smoke pot. culture shock that wasn't really a shock cos i was prepared for it. more like my first dose of american culture =)

yesterday was just packed with sessions, non of them worth mentioning. just boring stuff. got my english test results in the evening, and i got thru (woohoo) so i only have to take the regular classes, which i'm still working on getting out of. then i chilled the same people from the night before - played dai di (they do dai di too!), watched three guys climb a tree (it was a nice evening and a nice tree.. wish i could've gone up too but i didn't have the upper body strength for it =() then had dinner at the same house as the night before (fried rice - the guys cooked again =P), and ended up watching three movies back to back - fell asleep during the second two cos i was so tired! but it was funny cos when i woke up somewhere in te middle of the third movie everyone was asleep =P got one of the guys to walk me home and then i just crashed. nice evening and night.. i think it was the first time i felt relaxed and just hung out with a bunch of people since i got here =)

and now for the highlight of the post - the video ying and the gang plus my family and dav put together for me! as you might've guessed it inspired my previous post... it was really, really heartwarming guys, thank you so so much! rather than making my cry it put a really big smile on my face and i stopped myself from laughing out loud so many times cos i didn't want yayoi (my room mate) to think i was crazy =P but it touched me, deeply and truly. so nice =) and the fact that i could watch the video also means that with a lot of joon's help, i now have a media player that can play the two videos i have that yingky gave me, and that's not all joon did - i can now open the files on my hard drive! =D listening to the songs i have on it now and enjoying every bit of it. so joon if you ever do read this, thank you! you might be a chauvanistic, racist, foul-mouthed dumbass but at least you're a useful one =) and i meant that as a compliment. an even bigger THANK YOU to yingky for putting in all the effort to put it all together... i really appreciate all the effort, thought and love put into it, really really really. and to everyone who appeared on it, i love you guys too! thank you =)

kay i'm gonna try to catch a short nap now, and then i'm gonna get my first taste of the honors college. i haven't done my "homework" yet! but it's only due tomorrow so got time la. i hope.

like a roasted marshmallow.

oo i feel all warm and gooey inside now.
i love you guys back home, really.
all of you.
loads and loads and loads. =)

better day.

hello everyone, i'm more myself today. yay =) since i actually have time to spare (!) and since i have stuff to write about i thought i might as well update my blog now instead of holding it in and spewing it all out in one loong post like i did the last time. kinda like how it's apparently better to have 5 small meals a day instead of having 3 big ones. apparently la.

today i had an early start again... had a good, hot shower and stepped out into the cold air with freshly washed hair, ready to face the day. a bunch of us international students went on a bus tour of eugene, not so much to see places of interest cos there really aren't many here, but more to show us where the more "useful" places are - like departmental stores, the library, the main bus station (uo students get to ride free!)... stuff like that. i was really sleepy and was kinda bored cos i was sitting pretty far back and i couldn't really hear what our "tour guide" was saying, but i've decided it was a worthwhile trip cos i got to meet more people, including an indonesian, and i go my first taste of wal mart =P it was pretty big, and things really aren't all that expensive you know.. even when you convert it back to ringgit. i should've bought all my stationary here instead of lugging the whole lot of it accross the pacific! bought my first peaches today... had one and it was kinda crunchy - peggy later told me it wasn't ripe yet. how was i supposed to know! but it didn't taste too bad =) we also went into this asian store where they had a durian in the freezer, tinned rambutans, teh kindur and rabbit sweets! cool huh? didn't get anything tho, but again, i was surprised that things weren't more expensive. like i could get a jar of atap chi or nata de coco for about 5 ringgit?

the bus tour ended at the alton baker park, where the friendhip foundation for international students was hosting a picnic for all the international students and their host families. turned out to be really fun! they had a volleyball net up so i got to hit around for a bit, and then i had lunch with peggy and dick - had another hot dog! wanted to learn how to play ultimate frisbee but i got introduced to some of dick and peggy's friends so i had to small talk for a bit. met this guy (or rather pretty old man) who goes to thailand once a year to give medical aid, and he has a son who translates bibles in indonesia! his son has been there (or been going there, i'm not sure which) for about 20 years so he could speak bahasa indonesia, which was cool. also got a bit of the football rules explained to me by another man who was hosting an international student, so now i know a bit more =) everyone's always really surprised that i can speak english fluently! and they're always intrigued when i tell them i speak english at home, which is interesting cos it's something i never really thought about. but thank you mummy and daddy for speaking to me and anthea in english cos it really has made communication and meeting peopple so much easier! =D

also got to meet a few american students at the picnic, which was nice cos i could talk to them easily enough since i spoke english and they spoke english and we all spoke english. will be going for dinner with a bunch of them before going for my first mass at the catholic campus ministry. was feeling pretty guilty about not going to church this morning, so i was glad to find out they have mass this evening. and it's not too far away from my dorm too, so i can walk over easily. kay joon and yayoi just got back from the picnic, so it's just as well that that's pretty much all that has gone on today. see you soon!

blah.

so i'm in quite a blah mood at the moment. been a long three days, and i need sleep tho i haven't exactly been sleep deprived. i need a yum cha session. and a baking session. and an evening at the park. and many other things. but yeah, blah mood. for now. it'll pass.

where did i stop? oh right the last i posted i was at my foster parents' place... seems like so long ago! but it's only been three days. anyway... i moved on campus thursday morning - woke up early to re-pack, then my foster mother and i headed for the u of o. checked in, and then i had to lug my heavy, heavy suitcase up two flights of stairs (thankfully only two! it could've been worse.) and when i got to my room i found my roommate already in it... her name's yayoi, and she's from japan. she's nice, but can't really understand or speak english so communication's a bit of a problem. but we're getting by... india was good practice =) spent most of my morning making my room liveable. i quite like it, small and cramped tho it may be. put up 20 or so pictures that i developed back home, and i LOVE them. it's nice to have familiar faces smiling back at you =) only problem i have with my room at the moment is that the cupboard (or closet, as they call it here. they stare blankly at me when i say cupboard) door won't shut properly. thing is, we were given an inventory to check off when we checked in, stating what was or wasn't in good condition so that when we checked out they'd know what we did or didn't damage. the closet door worked fine when i checked it! then after i put in all my stuff it wouldn't catch. just my luck right >.< haven't gotten it fixed yet, tho i've already reported it. i'm just praying really hard that i won't have to pay anything! i didn't do anything, promise.

after settling down i had my first (of many) orientation sessions. we were split into groups, had to introduce ourselves, had a campus tour, all that jazz. the people in my group were pretty quiet, so i didn't really get to know many of them on the first day. also, a lot of them weren't really able to converse in english as well, so that made it even more difficult. we had a welcome dinner that night (which they charged us for!), and there they did this thing where they read out a list of countries and when your country was called you had to stand up and everyone clapped for you. was actually pretty cool that there were people from so many different countries - some i didn't even know existed! also surprising was the number of japanese, korean and taiwanese students that were there... and i found out that in addition to this malaysian girl i already knew, that was another malaysian guy on campus too! he's from taylors, majoring in business, took this year off to travel round europe alone, and he thinks my roommate's hot. so he's hitting on her. but he's quite a fun person la.. nice to have someone to say lah with and to use manglish with. but he's also annoying, as most guys are (har har.).. i think he has all these pent up malaysian swear words and phrases that he can't use with anyone else cos they don't understand so he takes it out on me. as in he swears at me. for no reason! but he's nice enough. when he's not ignoring me and hitting on my room mate. which is quite amusing la actually, so i don't really have any complaints. and no, i'm not jealous in the least that he thinks she's hotter than i am and that he's hitting on her and not me. i suits me just fine. =)

the second day of orientation (friday), we had a whole series of talks about random, not very interesting stuff... nothing really worth mentioning. except that they gave us chocolate-coated strawberries at the last one =P i had some issues (that haven't been resolved) with my uoregon email address, which means i don't have access to a lot of things, but i won't bore you with that one. um... went to the library to use the computers there for a bit, and the library is way cooler than any library i've been to in malaysia, hands down. it's actually quiet, for one, and the range of resources and services available is really quite amazing (lol a girl walking by my window just went "like, what the fuck did you say to me motherfucker?" what if i start speaking american soon? scary thought.) kay anyway, as i was saying... yeah library. they even allow you to borrow laptops for a certain period of time, and they have all these nice cushy chairs and rooms that can be used for study groups. cool right? or am i just a nerd. oh and i used this call card that i got a while ago to call back to malaysia... it's such a sucky card that i'll never use again! i paid $5 for it, and i was supposed to get 67 minutes. but i got 30 minutes, tops, out of it. i need to get skype! everyone else get skype too so we can talk for free =D

today was quite an eventful day... started off really early cos we were supposed to meet for breakfast at eight, then we had to take this english placement test, even if we did toefl and sats and took english courses in college! but anyway, i got another nice call while getting ready =), had this huge blueberry muffin for breakfast, and took the writing "test" where i had to write an essay. we had three topics to choose from : the first one was about whether living on campus was better than getting your own place, second one i cannot remember, and the third one was about what you would like to change about your country - this's the one i chose. only had 30 minutes to write, so i couldn't write much but i think i got my point across about our education system. joon (the malaysian guy) chose to write about political indifference, of all things. i mean, it's a pretty cool topic, but it's a pretty deep one and having only half an hour to think and write about it isn't much... but i was saying that even if he had to take extra english classes it probably won't be too bad, cos my roommate's probably gonna be there too! =P oh but the crappy thing is i might be required to take enlish writing classes even if i pass the test! and that sucks cos i was already forced to take english classes in help which i thought were a waste of time and now for some reason uo won't accept those credits and are forcing me to take more classes! waste of time and money. hopefully i wriggle my way out of it somehow la =)

then.. i wanted to go check out the rec center where they have a gym and basketball courts and stuff, but in the end i decided to get my laptop instead! so i now FINALLY have my pretty white macbook with a nice cover and the original microsoft office... but i don't know how to use mac! it's so frustrating. really. and i'm kicking myself for getting a mac just cos of all the confusion i caused myself but hopefully i'll find someone nice and patient enough to explain everything to me so i won't have to kick myself harder >.< but i'm sure once i get thru this transition phase it'll be pretty good la... at least i hope so. the bright side to it all is that i'm online now! in my room! that's a pretty shiny bright side. but i still have a long way to go la... need to install my webcam, figure out how to get all my stuff out of my external hard drive cos apparently i can't open it since i copied it from my documents under xp... so i need to open it on windows and change ownership and then maybe hopefully possibly i can get my info. or some nonsense like that. frus la. i'm seriously such a tech noob. =(

so after tinkering around with my laptop and stressing myself for a few hours it was time to go for my very first football game! it was quite a long walk to the stadium, and it was a pretty hot day, but i think it was worth it =) i wore my new "oregon ducks" tshirt that i got as a free gift from the bank (have i mentioned that the uo mascot is a duck, more specifically donald duck?), so i fit right in with the rest of the green and yellow crowd (uo colors). the stadium was HUGE! and the atmosphere was amazing... seriously, it's too bad we don't have inter-collegiate games of that magnitude here in malaysia. the amount of support and loyalty oregonians had for "the ducks", as we're called was simply superb. i don't know how many people were in the stadium exactly, but literally thousands and thousands. and they cheered and cheered and booed the opposition and cheered some more... it was packed! and not just with students, but with adults and kids and old people as well. i had to stand throughout the game cos the people in front of me wouldn't sit down! and it wasn't a short period of time okay - they have four quarters (doh.), each 15 minutes long, but they keep stopping play and huddling and doing goodness knows what that the whole thing took about 4 hours! lol and it was really confusing because me and the other girls i was with had to figure the game out as it went on, so most of the time we had no idea what was going on or why people were cheering! but now i have an idea, vague tho it may be, of how it works la. football/soccer is way easier to understand. and it's shorter. so for now american football is still second. =P

oh and they had the whole marching band and cheerleaders and team mascot thing as well, so that was pretty cool. the marching band was huge! they had like a whole orchestra.. and they sounded really good. especially when they played the star-spangled banner... and the crowd sang it with passion and patriotism, not how malaysians (myself included) sing the negaraku. cheerleaders were in their short skirts and had their pom poms, but they could do quite a lot of pyramid and flipping and tossing stuff. the mascot couldn't be out on the field cos it was being punished for fighting with the opposing team's mascot at the last game (twice.), so the duck had to watch from a box. i also had an american hot dog! with the ketchup and onions and pickles... not too bad =) all in all a great experience.

then we walked home and they had this party thing for the international students, but i was really tired and not in the mood for socializing so i hung around for a bit, had some chocolate and then i came back to my room. and here i am now, rambling away again =) kay i've talked enough. another long day tomorrow so i should be heading off to bed real soon.. you know what, i think i might actually be homesick.

of ships and shoes and sealing-wax...

... and cabbages and kings! lol. for those of you who don't know where on earth i pulled that one out from, it's from "the walrus and the carpenter", which's what tweedledum and tweedledee recited to alice in "alice thru the looking glass", by lewis carroll. if you haven't read the book, go read it! one of my all time favorites. this's the verse my title's from, and the one after that :

"'the time has come,' the walrus said,
'to talk of many things:
of shoes - and ships - and sealing-wax -
of cabbages - and kings -
and why the sea is boiling hot -
and whether pigs have wings.'

'but wait a bit,' the oysters cried,
'before we have our chat;
for some of us are out of breath,
and all of us are fat!'
'no hurry!' said the carpenter.
they thanked him much for that."

haha... turns out this's one of peggy's favorite books too! she has a copy of this one and alice in wonderland although she's about to be a great-grandmother... yeah GREAT. her grandaughter's expecting a baby in november! i knew she had grandchildren, but i had no idea they were so old. i mean, i didn't she and dick were all that old too - until i found out yesterday that he's 79 and she's 75. but man, with the lifestyles thay lead and how they look... i would've thought they were in their 60s at most. it's amazing. they do volunteer work, he goes for bible studies, they do gardening, she knits and cooks, he still does some accounting work, she helps... so cool right? i like them. =)

oh the reason why i put what i did as my title and started off this post with a totally random excerpt from a totally random book is cos this post has kind of a random theme to it... i'm just gonna write about whatever comes to mind - nothing in particular. so that accounts for the first verse. the reason why i chose to include the second verse is cos i've been feeling very much like a fat oyster since i got here lol. well actually i haven't been eating as unhealthily or as much as i thought i would, really, cos peggy and dick are pretty healthy people (yay!), but i mean it more in the context of me feeling all lethargic for the past few days - don't think i'm totally over the jetlag yet. had a really early night on monday - slept at like 9, and then i was woken up at 8 by a knock on the door. actually a few knocks. then peggy came in and handed me the cordless and said there was a call for me, and it turned out to be dav! =D my first phone call. after talking to him i had a nice hot shower, washed my hair and everything, and felt really awake, so i thought that was the end of the jetlag, but right about 12pm it was right back again. oh well, nothing like a legit excuse for being lazy i guess =)

i've been pretty occupied with sorting out bank accounts, laptops and handphones.. i think i've gotten the banks figured out (think i'll end up with like, 5 different accounts!), pretty decided on the handphone issue too, but i'm not gonna do anything about that one until i get on campus and see if i really need one. i don't have friends here to call or text =( yet. and as for laptops... i've had about 5 different brands and goodness knows how many models suggested to me, all with different specs and prices. still feeling pretty hopeless but... i think for now i'm leaning more towards the macbook. with the lower hard drive space (thank kit, jiat and eric for the help! you guys rock. sometimes. =)). but i'm gonna talk to one or two more people before making my final decision, and hope tohave my jawapan muktamad by tomorrow or friday, latest. so if any of you have any serious objections to me geting a mac, SPEAK NOW OR FOREVER HOLD YOUR PISS. and don't tell me after i get one. cos it's too late and i don't wanna know.

serious stuff aside, peggy and dick had this russian student over of dinner yesterday - his name's ivan, he stayed with them last year, and he's working toward a phd in physical chemistry (all together now: "oooo.." or "why on earth would anyone do that?!", depending on who you are). he's pretty nice... can't speak english too well, but enough to communicate. after dinner, we played dominoes! or rather this variant of it called "chicken foot", which wasn't too bad. then we started on a jigsaw puzzle that ivan gave them, with 2000 pieces! 2000! and it has a whole load of sky that's pretty much the same color so the majority of the pieces look exactly the same lol. we worked on it for a bit, but we're nowhere near finishing. think i'll be done with my degree before it gets put together =P haha if for some reason peggy or dick manage to get in contact with you and ask you if i like jigsaw puzzles say yes kay, cos on the first or second day i was here peggy asked if i liked puzzles and i thought she meant it more in a riddle/rubix cube way so i said yes. then i figured that she meant jigsaws which i'm not really a fan of but they were both happy that i said i liked jigsaws so i couldn't disappoint them by saying i misunderstood now could i? >.<

oh and something you probably wouldn't believe is... i've started knitting! really! peggy gave me a knitting lesson today and i've begun work on a nice blue-green scarf. that i plan to use. if i can by the time i'm thru with it. lol. i knit! something i thought i would never say. but it's coming along pretty well, so if all goes as planned i'll put up a picture of it when i'm done, kay? oh and the other thing i wanna put a picture up of is this oregon t-shirt they gave me at a bank! i'm supposed to wear it for the game this saturday... uo colors are yellow and green, so i went with green cos i don't look nice in yellow. nope. oh and i have my uo id! so i'm getting closer to being a fully-fledged student of the uo lah =)

speaking of pictures, i was gonna put some up today, but then i realized that the usb cord i need to transfer pics from my cam to the com is somewhere in the depths of my suitcase and would require a major excavation to get out. and i don't wanna mess up my bags cos i have to pack everything again tonight since i'm moving on campus tomorrow morning. soo... patience! i promise to do it as soon as i can! which means when i get my laptop and an internet connection on campus. so pray it all gets sorted out soon!

after this i predict internet contact is gonna decrease for a bit cos i'm gonna be pretty busy with moving and orientation, so i'm not sure when i'll be back. this has been a long post so it should keep you tied down til then la. before i sign off i'll give you the last verse of "the walrus and the carpenter", just so you know how it ends (which you probably dont really need or want to know since you don't know how it starts. but anyway.) :

"'o oysters,' said the carpenter,
'you've had a pleasant run!
shall we be trotting home again?'
but answer came there none -
and this was scarcely odd because
they'd eated every one."

poor oysters. =(

and here i am.

hello! i'm in oregon! have been for the past two days (or three, depending on how you look at it)... still hasn't sunk in that i'm gonna be here for a long, long time (or "only" two years", again depending on how you look at it) - still feels like a holiday! just a quick recap of what's been going on..

the flight(s) here was pretty good... flew from kl to hong kong, hong kong to san francisco, then san francisco to eugene - all in all the journey took about 30 hours. the sleep-deprivation strategy worked really well for me! spent the night before i left at home with a bunch of my best buddies... played taboo and pictionary and didn't sleep the whole night. and then all of them and about 11 family members sent me off at klia.. emo yet wonderful. then most of them wrote me "love letters" to read on the plane, and i also got a photo album with photos that made me smile to myself like a nut on the plane! don't think anyone saw tho, haha. thanks guys, you know who you are. it meant a lot...more than you know! =) missing all of you...

sooo after that i managed to sleep most of the way, whether or not i wanted to! as a result the journey didn't seem so long for one, and also when i got here i wasn't too tired, so that was good too. the mini-bolster i got from ikea was great! helped me sleep extra well =)

had "adventures" along the way lol. first was at the san francisco airport - on the plane i'd gotten a customs form to fill out, so when i got to immigration i gave it to the guy at the counter and he said i had to fill out another form, and directed me to this counter with green forms on it, so i filled one out and went to a different counter, then the guy at that counter said it was the wrong one and that i had to fill out a white one! so i had to go back and fill another one up, and when i went back again i had gotten the right form this time, but he also wanted my I-20, this document that UO gave me... and i didn't know we had to carry it with us! i had checked it into my luggage. so i had to go into this office and they escorted me to get it out and go back into the office for them to process it before i could get out! thankfully i didn't miss the flight to eugene - had time to nap some more. =P

then at the airport i only got one of my bags on the luggage carousel (i had two)! had to follow them to another counter where they tracked my bag using the tag they gave me... turns out it was already at the airport but wasn't put on the belt for some reason! dunno why. but i'm not complaining, at least i got my bag! that's about as exciting as my flight was here... just the right amount i think.

yesterday i followed my foster parents (peggy and dick, they're really nice!) to a baptist church, , then they brought me for a buffet lunch.. was pretty nice. eugene was having this celebration thing in town and so we went there for a bit... had a lot of stalls up, and there was a pet parade! people dressed up their pets (and themselves!) and paraded down the street... had a few different categories, includingpet/guardian look-alike! they also had "most talented" - this guy just made his dog sit down at one end of the street, walked about 5 meters away and just whistled and called his dog to him, and that was his trick! that evening we went out for a drive - i got to see the place where i'm staying - it's right opposite the field where they're gonna have the 2008 olympic athletic trials! it's literally across the road... so cool right? drove round campus for a bit, then we went to this place called skinners butte (pronounced biut, go ahead and say butt, i know you want to) where we saw the sunset over the city... it was pretty nice =)

today peggy brought me round campus on foot - got my student id done, went to this hospitality table they have set up for international students, and then she showed me some of the more important buildings i'll probably need to go to. the people at the hospitality table were friendly, gave me some info that i needed about orientation. oh, and there's this football (as in american football) game on this saturday at the autzen stadium nearby, and the university football team will be playing - apparently football's pretty big here, so they reserved 50 seats for international students to go watch, and i signed up! shoud be quite an interesting experience =)

the weather here's been pretty hot actually... been close to 30 C in the afternoons, but other than that it's been pleasant. not too cold, but just nice for me. even when it's hot we don't perspire actually, cos it's not humid and there's almost always this nice breeze blowing. i'm not too sure what the exact temperatures are actually, cos everything here is in farenheit... haven't figured out the math yet. i know 84 F is 28 C.. and 32 F is 0 C. so. you figure it out and let me know la kay? or i'll look it up soon... can't be bothered now. anyway, the temperature drops quite a lot at night - been about the high 40s to 50 F, which i guess is pretty cold, but we don't feel it so much indoors.

there're loads of trees everywhere here, which i absolutely love! lotsa grass lawns, flowers, bushes, hedges... the works. it's gorgeous =) it's really pretty on campus too, which i'm glad for cos i thought the pictures they put up online were just to con us into going there, like you know how they do in msia... but the pictures were more or less accurate representations of reality =) i've managed to take some photos, not much, just some. will try to put them up soon!

i guess that's about it for now... written loads already! need to do some research about laptops and bank accounts lol. feeling all grown up, or rather trying to be all grown up. still feeling kinda lost and confused, but that'll pass. i hope. =P i can get a macbook for loads cheaper here than i can in msia! but then i have to learn how to use a different os, and i'm not sure tech-noob me can handle it. speaking of which, can anyone tell me what the difference is between a combo drive and a double-layer super drive? and if that plus 40gb is worth rm630? hehe thanks.

til next time, all my love to everyone back home!

hands.

if i could tell the world just one thing
it would be that we're all okay
and not to worry 'cause worry is wasteful
and useless in times like these
i won't be made useless
i won't be idle with despair
i will gather myself around my faith
for light does the darkness most fear

- hands, jewel.

...?

it's incomprehensible.
the day after tomorrow.
what does that even mean?
i'm not done packing.
i still have things i haven't done.
i won't be seeing people for years.
i won't be home.

huh? what?

taboo.

for jiat.

we should've won!

and...

for yin and ying.

lol.

so long, farewell...

gosh i've been busy. and the thing is, the busier i am the faster time flies! i've seriously had a more of a social life over the past 2 weeks than i have my entire life... kinda sad but true. okay lah not really sad, cos it shows that people actually wanna say bye. but then having to say bye to them is sad. kay i'll stick with kinda sad.

oh and i've probably done more shopping and spent more money than i ever have within that same time span. i can honestly say i'm sick of shopping now. i suppose it's more fun when you don't have to shop. and when you have more money. and less of conscience lol. but i think i did pretty well =)

so much has happened that it's impossible to cover it all... the main highlight of the past week would have to be my farewell gathering, hands down. my darling parents and sister were the main people behind it, they did most of the organizing and planning. and it was really sweet of them cos it's not like they don't have more important things to do - my sister's having trials, my mum's working on a major project, and daddy's got his usual church and work stuff to keep him occupied. oh and my uncle and aunty helped us to get the place... loved it =) so thank you to all of you for taking in the stress and putting in the love, time, effort and money!

best part for me was having all the people i cared about most there - my dad's side of the family, mum's side, the gang, and prefects. i was really worried about what it would be like with all of them together, cos i've never put them all together before... but i shouldn't have even given it a thought la. everyone was wonderful, everyone mingled, and everyone seemed comfortable. we had an icebreaker (yup, an icebreaker!), then dinner, then... ying played this video she had put together for me.

basically what she did was record my family and friends saying a few words to me about me leaving, did some funky graphic things (everyone was impressed!), played some emo music in the background... and within 5 minutes (or less) she had the waterworks going. even i cried! you're probably thinking "d'oh, obviously you'd cry... you were the main target and with everyone saying such sweet things about you and saying how much they'll miss you how can you not?!". but the thing is i'm not really an emotional person outwardly... i told everyone that if i don't cry at my farewell or the airport it's not because i don't feel anything, but just cause i don't do the whole crying thing. pfft yeah right.

thank you for the effort you put into the video ying... and also to daddy, mummy, anthea, mel, yin, eric, kit, ping, jo, wei, may, lynn, and val for the emo and touching messages. more than one person told me that i have a great family and a great circle of friends, and to that i can only say, "hell, yeah!"

and then after letting the emoness wear off we played taboo and mafia lol. i was told it was like a kid's birthday party with party games (they didn't mean it in a mean way) but heck i love being kiddy. why not? the fact that my friends and family didn't turn up their noses at my games but participated wholeheartedly reminded me of how comfortable i am with them,of how i can be myself and not be judged around them. you know you've got a great group of friends when you can jump on a merry-go-round and know that they'll jump right on with you, just for the fun of it.

good food, good ambience, the best company... the night reminded me about how much i love them, how much i'm loved by them, how blessed i am, and how much i'll miss them. but at the same time it gave me hope - i know things can't possibly stay exactly the same way they are now between all of us, but it's not gonna be easy for what has taken so long to build to be destroyed merely by physical distance. nope.

thank you, thank you, thank you.
love, love, love.
=)