Thursday 21 May 2009

gemuruh.

"bila bertalu rentak di kalbu
hasrat yang tersirat semakin kuburu
bila bergema laungan gempita
harapan bernyala nadiku berganda

gemuruh jiwa, semangat membara
dari puncak ingin ke angkasa
berkalungkan bintang berkelipan
menyerlah jauh dari yang biasa

ungkapan ini bukan sekadar bermimpi
segalanya pasti kan terbukti nanti."

- gemuruh, faizal tahir

Wednesday 20 May 2009

faith and trust and pixie dust.

"think of the happiest things
it's the same as having wings
take the path that moonbeams make
if the moon is still awake
you'll see him wink his eye
you can fly, you can fly
you can fly!

up you go with a heigh and ho
to the stars beyond the blue
there's a neverland waiting for you
where all your happy dreams come true
every dream that you dream will come true

when there's a smile in your heart
there's no better time to start
think of all the joy you'll find
when you leave the world behind
and bid your cares goodbye
you can fly, you can fly
you can fly, you can fly
you can fly!"

disney makes me happy. =)
peter pan is a pretty sexist and racist cartoon though lol.

Tuesday 19 May 2009

scoo be do be do!

lately, i have become increasingly aware of what is important to me, what i can tolerate, and what i can live without. i like it, but it follows that i am now more assertive. and there is a fine line between being assertive and being overbearing. and i don't like overbearing. i also don't like hypocrisy, and i don't like that i am a hypocrite myself, many times over.

isn't it amazing how we nitpick at ourselves, often so much more than others do? i was thinking about it today, and i realized how negative i am about myself - i tell myself every day that i should start doing this, stop doing that, do this more, do that less, fix this, better that... that drive for self-improvement is important, but it's so unfortunate that it is barely counterbalanced out by positive messages playing in my head about what i'm doing right. see? even that was a negative message of sorts: "stop criticizing yourself, start accepting who you are..."

it's such a challenge to find that balance between being and doing. between saying
"whatever! everyone else can think what they like of me, i'm not perfect and i never will be, i can never do everything, see everything, experience everything, so why bother? i am who i am where i am, that's fine by me. take it or leave it."

and
"i cannot let myself get complacent - i am fine the way i am, but why settle for just fine when i can be good? why settle for good when i can be better? why settle for better when i can be best? it's true that i cannot get everyone to like me, but why not try to make as many friends as i can? i know i cannot do everything, but why not do as much as i can?"

being happy with who you are is a lifelong battle, and that means being unhappy with yourself is a lifelong battle too.
yay.

"i have dreams of orca whales and owls
but i wake up in fear
you will never be my, you will never be my dear
will never be my dear, dear friend."

- hotel song, regina spektor.

Tuesday 12 May 2009

mauvaise foi (bad faith):

a philosophical concept first coined by jean-paul satre to describe the phenomenon wherein one denies one's total freedom, instead choosing to behave as an inert object.

- definition taken from wikipedia as a matter of convenience.

Monday 11 May 2009

the theory of relativity.

the fact that there are only 21 days left in may is both a stressor and a comfort.

every day that passes brings me one day closer to finding out what my path will be; every day that passes leaves me one less day as an undergraduate.

every hour that passes leaves me one less hour here in eugene with my friends, the ucf house, moss street, the annoyingly unpredictable weather, the u of o; every hour that passes brings me an hour closer to seeing my family again and to going home to the warm weather, subang jaya, yummy food, my extended family, my malaysian friends.

it's weird to think that about a year and a half ago i was a month away from leaving malaysia for what felt like a very long time, and now i'm a month away from leaving eugene for what feels like forever.

so much to do, so much to say, so much to see, so much to enjoy... so much to drink. yes? =)

time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana!

Thursday 7 May 2009

iFeel...

excited, nervous, comfortable, disappointed, adventurous, intimidated, proud, boring, contented, drained, hopeful, frustrated, inspired, impatient, loved, distant, determined, inadequate, lazy, ambitious, disorganized, cheerful, guilty, grateful, overwhelmed, independent,

conflicted and confused.

"don't you think we oughta know by now?
don't you think we shoulda learned somehow?"

- slow dancing in a burning room, john mayer.