and then we'll do it again.

"i count the steps, the distance to
the time when it was me and you is so far gone
another face another friend
another place another end, but i'll hang on

and it's a winding road
and it's a long way home

so don't wait
for someone to tell you it's too late
cos these are the best days
there's always
something tomorrow so i say
let's make the best of tonight
yeah, let's make the best of tonight
cos here comes the rest of our lives."

- best days, the graham colton band.

everybody dance now!

while i'm on the subject of being/staying social while i'm at cambridge:

i just read through my freshers week program, and 11 of the 16 days from the 1st to the 15th of october have events scheduled that include one or more of the words "pub", "drink", "bar" or "party" in their titles or descriptions.

=)

can't let the music stop.

i'm stuck in changi airport now, since my flight back to kl got delayed by two hours. i was gonna have to wait for the same amount of time in klia anyway, to see val off, so i guess it's not a big deal. at least there are computers with free internet access here!

on my way to singapore, i realiSed i was travelLing alone again for the first time since i was in the states. i knew i could handle it, no problem... but i couldn't help but feel apprehensive about going to another place where i'll have to start all over again. in the three and a half months i've been home, i've gotten used to organiSing my plans around what other people want to do, when they could do it, and whether or not someone could get me to wherever i needed to be. except for the times when i stayed in pyjamas all day and had multiple naps, of course. i realiSed i had become somewhat dependent again, and not necessarily in a negative way.

in the states i think i was too independent. i trained myself to survive with minimal social interaction, which in restrospect served me well given the circumstances. but i don't want a repeat of that in the uk. i still treasure my independence, but i want - need a measure of dependence too. maybe the fact that i already know some people (i.e. miss val khoo su chen and mr yong chun jiat!) within a couple of hours of where i'll be will help. maybe not. we'll see.

i haven't given myself the chance to properly digest all that has happened this summer yet. i don't want to. i don't want to see what i did right and the mistakes i've made just yet. i don't wanna think of the future and what still needs to be done and what i still need. with three days left, i want to just be. i think i "was" pretty well in singapore. i just need to hold out for three more days.

three more days.

ogres, onions and parfait.

i like discovering things i didn't know about people - figuring out their family background, piecing together their childhood, mapping out their pet peeves and soft spots, marking their habits, picking up on their sense of humoUr, being amazed at how much (or how little) they know... observing. watching. learning.

it's not something i'm obsessed about, despite me having studied psychology (i do NOT analyze you every time you blink. NOR can i read your mind). it's just something i enjoy. i like being pleasantly surprised. and i like being able to understand the person better. to see where they're coming from. why they do what they do.

but you can never completely figure anyone out.

that just adds to the fun.

and frustration, sometimes.

then again, i wouldn't want anyone to have me all figured out. fair's fair.


"i hope life treats you kind
and i hope you have all you dreamed of
and i wish you joy
and happiness
but above all this
i wish you
love."

- i will always love you, whitney houston.

sounds of silence.

today i've been listening to mellow, meaningful, sometimes emo songs, which i haven't done in a while. almost as a subconscious self-defense mechanism.
my playlist has been dominated by the likes of pitbull, the black-eyed peas (i'm surprised "i've gotta feeling" hasn't made a cameo in my dreams yet), and bob sinclair. hehe.

12 days to go. sometimes i can't help but wonder if i'm in over my head. other times i think i have things under control.
we'll see... i'm hoping for the latter, but there's something to be said for the former every once in a while, no?

"a lovestruck romeo, sings the streets a serenade
laying everybody low with a love song that he made
finds a streetlight, steps out of the shade
says something like, "you and me, babe, how about it?"

juliet says, "hey, it's romeo, you nearly gave me a heart attack"
he's underneath the window, she's singing
"hey, la, my boyfriend's back
you shouldn't come around here, singing up people like that
anyway, what you gonna do about it?"

juliet, the dice was loaded from the start
and i bet, that you exploded in my heart
and i forget, i forget.. the movie song
when you gonna realize, it was just that the time was wrong, juliet?"

- romeo and juliet, dire straits. i like the version by the killers.

retaliation.

three and a half hours of gym, 15 minutes of sleep, 6 hours of tennis.
AND i got my uk visa.

take that, malaysian government!

"i don't care if it hurts,
i wanna have control
i want a perfect body
i want a perfect soul

i want you to notice
when i'm not around
you're so very special
i wish i was special."

- damien rice's cover of radiohead's "creep".

*insert obscenity here*.

PROGRAM BIASISWA YANG DI-PERTUAN AGONG TAHUN 2009
JABATAN PERKHIDMATAN AWAM MALAYSIA
Nama Penuh : ADELLE PUSHPARATNAM
Status : TIDAK BERJAYA TEMUDUGA

Terima kasih diucapkan di atas minat saudara/saudari untuk mendapatkan penawaran Biasiswa Yang Di-Pertuan Agong tahun 2009.

Setelah permohonan saudara/saudari diteliti dengan saksama, dimaklumkan bahawa permohonan saudara/saudari tidak dapat dipertimbangkan kerana tidak memenuhi syarat yang ditetapkan untuk permohonan Biasiswa Yang Di-Pertuan Agong 2009.

Sekian, terima kasih.

Bahagian Pembangunan Modal Insan
Jabatan Perkhidmatan Awam Malaysia


WHAT SYARAT DID I NOT PENUHI?
what. the. hell.
fine. if you don't want me i don't want you either.

still. everything happens for a reason.



edit: my mom's reply to the news: "good luck, bad luck, who knows?" yay, mommy! how true.

poker face.

"you seem fine."

maybe it's time i started wearing my heart on my sleeve a little more often, especially when it comes to negative emotions.

glare when i'm angry.
mope when i'm upset.
cry when i'm sad.
distance myself when i've been hurt.

and do it unapologetically.

because when i don't, it's either i appear cold, or people just don't get that they're rubbing me the wrong way until one day a fuse blows.

oh, and i ran over a monitor lizard today. it crossed the highway without looking left, right, and then left again! and it was either it's life or the lives of my mommy, daddy and san ee. so yeah. at least it wasn't cute and furry.

in other news.

interesting articles on polygamy in the papers today:
sharing the love
a first wife speaks up
clearing the air

i've started packing! kind of. my uncle's going to london for a business trip tonight, so he offered to take some of my stuff with him and leave it at a relative's house there. i had an hour to throw together about 10kg of stuff that i wanted to bring over but wouldn't need immediately... and ended up packing about 17.5kg. haha. together with his own luggage it exceeds the baggage allowance, but we're gonna try anyway. if they don't allow him to take all of it my aunty will bring the excess back and i'll have to lug it over on my own.

anyone else going on business trips to london anytime soon? =)

words.

i hate you.
damn fake.

wow.

o my prophetic soul!

i heard "when two become one" by the spice girls on the radio today, and was singing along to it with whatever lyrics i remembered from when i was 11 or 12... and when it got to this part

"get a little bit wiser baby,
put it on, put it on."

joe went "OH MY GOD THEY'RE SINGING ABOUT A CONDOM!"

i wonder how many other sexual connotations i've been singing along to unknowingly.

"he took me by the wrist and held me hard;
then goes he to the length of all his arm;
and, with his other hand thus o'er his brow,
he falls to such perusal of my face
as he would draw it. long stay'd he so;
at last, a little shaking of mine arm
and thrice his head thus waving up and down,
he raised a sigh so piteous and profound
as it did seem to shatter all his bulk
and end his being: that done, he lets me go:
and, with his head over his shoulder turn'd,
he seem'd to find his way without his eyes;
for out o' doors he went without their helps,
and, to the last, bended their light on me."

- ophelia, act ii, scene i, hamlet.

a whole new world.

"i can show you the world
shining, shimmering splendour (note the "u"!)
tell me princess, now when did you last
let your heart decide

i can open your eyes
take you wonder by wonder
over, sideways and under
on a magic carpet ride."

- a whole new world, aladdin.

the more i hear about the uk the more i can't wait to go there and TRAVEL. after all the bumming i've been doing it's hard to get excited about hitting the books and going back to the grind, but i'm looking forward to that too, in a way.

travelling (note the double L!) in europe has just always been a big dream of mine. now if only i had the funds for it... i've applied for about five scholarships, and will apply for another one, so hopefully i get at least one! pray/keep your fingers crossed for me!

this time three weeks from now i'll be finding my way to girton college from stanstead with my 30kg (note that it's not in pounds!) of luggage.
and starting completely fresh.
but then again, we never do start completely fresh, do we?

anyway. three weeks.
i'm going to wear shorts and eat chicken rice and mamak as much as i can.

you are stoopit.

"i can't whistle!"

"seriously? weak shit!"

"i can snap my fingers..."

"but you have to whistle in the shower!"

"what? why?"

"cos sometimes you happy ma."

"hahaha... sometimes you say the stupidest things."

"what? where got stupid? when you're happy you have to whistle la, bitch."


temple relocation article(video) - just watch from about the first to the fourth minute.
candlelight vigil article(video)
so. you sever the head of a sacred animal and stamp on it and there is no retribution.
but you walk with candles and you get arrested because that's "illegal".
what?


"it's complicated and stupid
got my ass squeezed by sexy cupid
now he wants to play, wants to play
a love game, a love game."

- lovegame, lady gaga.

really? "love"?