can't let the music stop.

i'm stuck in changi airport now, since my flight back to kl got delayed by two hours. i was gonna have to wait for the same amount of time in klia anyway, to see val off, so i guess it's not a big deal. at least there are computers with free internet access here!

on my way to singapore, i realiSed i was travelLing alone again for the first time since i was in the states. i knew i could handle it, no problem... but i couldn't help but feel apprehensive about going to another place where i'll have to start all over again. in the three and a half months i've been home, i've gotten used to organiSing my plans around what other people want to do, when they could do it, and whether or not someone could get me to wherever i needed to be. except for the times when i stayed in pyjamas all day and had multiple naps, of course. i realiSed i had become somewhat dependent again, and not necessarily in a negative way.

in the states i think i was too independent. i trained myself to survive with minimal social interaction, which in restrospect served me well given the circumstances. but i don't want a repeat of that in the uk. i still treasure my independence, but i want - need a measure of dependence too. maybe the fact that i already know some people (i.e. miss val khoo su chen and mr yong chun jiat!) within a couple of hours of where i'll be will help. maybe not. we'll see.

i haven't given myself the chance to properly digest all that has happened this summer yet. i don't want to. i don't want to see what i did right and the mistakes i've made just yet. i don't wanna think of the future and what still needs to be done and what i still need. with three days left, i want to just be. i think i "was" pretty well in singapore. i just need to hold out for three more days.

three more days.