learn something new...

i didn't know "ding-dong the witch is dead" is from the wizard of oz!
and i didn't know the wizard of oz is so old...
and it never clicked that it is set in the states.

i have been enlightened.

525,600 minutes.

"another time, another place, another rhyme, a warm embrace;
another dance, another way, another chance, another day."

- another day, rent (the musical).

how's your news?

http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2008/6/26/nation/21656893&sec=nation
http://twosen.com/2008/06/27/reunion-ban-not-welcome-at-the-prefects-par-ty/

nonsense.

http://hannahyeoh.blogspot.com/2008/06/smksu-prefects-reunion.html
http://hannahyeoh.blogspot.com/2008/06/latest-news-from-smksu.html

what can they possibly hope to get out of it? seriously.
i'm behind you all the way, ying! if i were home i'd be fighting on with you.
this could be huge.
it is huge.

room to grow.

i've moved out of the grad student's house now, into one of the two cottages owned by the catholic community at stanford. it is above and beyond anything i could have hoped for... wireless, cable tv, washer and dryer, pots and pans, cutlery, a patio, even goldfish crackers and two packets of oatmeal for breakfast! the rent is unbelievable... i have to pay for utilities but it is still way more affordable than any place else in palo alto. it is a five minute walk from where my internship, and connected by a free shuttle to where my class is. i have been blessed.

on the way here, i realized that this is the first time ever that i have lived alone. i have a bedroom, bathroom, living room, kitchen, and outdoor space all to myself. it's more room than i've had before, and it feels so strange! out of habit, after arriving here i put some stuff away and then retreated into my bedroom even though i had all that other space to be in and wan't quite ready for bed yet. it's gonna take some getting used to. =)

my experience here has been wonderful so far. i've had a few good intellectual conversations that i could participate and contribute to. i've spent time with people who share the same academic interests and who are willing and able to teach me what i don't know. i've talked to people who are further down the road i plan to go down. i've been encouraged in my plans for the future. i've also got an even clearer idea of what i need to do and what i wanna go into.

i have also slept in, had naps, read, cooked, been to the farmer's market, eaten out, been on skype, chatted on msn, and gone for runs. i have tan-lines.

i'm ready for more.

palo alto yo.

i'm in palo alto!

so the grad student and his girlfriend whom i'm staying with are nice people. not intimidating or stand-offish considering i'm a lowly undergraduate from the university of oregon and they both completed their undergraduate degrees at harvard and now he's in stanford. they have a piano and she yelled (not real loud) at her laptop cos it wouldn't open a document. that made me happy. =)

palo alto is definitely a lot busier than stanford... more dense, more compact. but it's got a nice quaint, historical feel to it. i haven't gone around stanford yet, but it looks as intimidating and grand as i thought it would. no pictures yet, sorry, but she's been to thailand so she has the adapter i need to charge my camera! another reason why i like them. =) the memorial church jamie and i looked at was gorgeous!

it was so hot today! i think the high was 34 degrees celcius... so i'm definitely tanner already. i think i need more pairs of shorts. jeans would not work, nope. thank goodness the dresscode at bing is casual! and it's a lot browner here than green eugene, but that's to be expected.

oh and i'm gonna go off o a slight tangent here: yesterday felt like the most american day i've had here so far. i don't know if my american friends would agree that it is indeed "american", but it felt like it. i slept in, i actually sun-tanned (for a very short while before deciding that lying in the sun to get darker was too counter-intuitive to my malaysian blood and going back indoors to sit under the fan), and then i had chips and dip for lunch, hung out by a pool doing absolutely nothing, drove around with the windows down while blasting the car stereo, watched a movie (madagascar), baked, iced and ate dismembered gingerbread man-shaped cookies, had tacos for dinner, then hung out with a jamie's friend, kristina's old high school friends (which made me really miss the gang) in a couple of parking lots before calling it a day.

anyway. here we go!

road trip II.

i was in san francisco yesterday! just like i was a couple of months ago... and i went to pier 39, fisherman's wharf and ghirardelli square, just like i did a couple of months ago.

unlike last time tho, i rode the bart, had clam chowder in a sourdough bread bowl, got sticky fingers from cotton candy, and guiltily savored the best chocolate milk shake ever. and unlike last time, i didn't see the golden gate bridge, chinatown and union square. and unlike last time, i was with jamie, kristina and kristina's mom instead of sean, bryan, esh and victoria.

when i was there over spring break i had no idea i would be back so soon... places i saw again:






sorry i had to steal your pictures off facebook sean... i'll upload mine as soon as i chrage my camera! it ran out of battery a couple of hours into it tho, so i don't have too many. oops.

it was sad to say goodbye to eugene... especially to say goodbye to rony and vania. i might not see rony ever again. and i'll only see vania in half a year at the most. the house is gonna be so different without them... i'll miss them a lot. already do.

on a brighter note, it's nice not to have anything to do! i've been sleeping in, watching mindless tv, and just plain lazing. i should've brought a book.

palo alto tomorrow! jamie and i decided to stay here longer hehe.

caterpillars.

there we were, gathered around the benches outside the center. anticipation.

"okay, now we have to all sit down either on the curb or on a bench because we don't wanna squish them if they land on the ground," said the teacher. "sit down, please."

a couple of kids plonked themselves down right in front of her. "you guys are gonna have to find a spot on the bench or the curb," the teacher repeated, "because we wanna make sure they all get to fly away." eventually everyone got settled, and all eyes were on the white net-covered enclosure the teacher had in her hands.

"now, why are we all out here?" the teacher asked. "to let them... to let them fly away!" said bayan. "that's right," the teacher said with a smile. "we're gonna let the butterflies fly away. who remembers what these butterflies are called?" "butterflies... fly... painted ladies!" said marston triumphantly, flinging his arms out wide.

"good job, marston! painted ladies... who can remember what these butterflies were when we first got them?" "butterflies," replied jp, looking quizically at the teacher. the teacher laughed. "no, they were itty-bitty caterpillars, remember? we fed them, and watched them grow bigger, and then they formed cocoons, and then when they came out they were painted ladies! and now we're gonna let them go, because they wanna fly among the flowers."

the teacher opens the enclosure carefully, trying to get the butterflies out without making them fly away before they were ready. "oh, there goes one! bye butterfly!" she exclaimed. "bye butterfly, bye bye!" the children all chimed in, eyes wide. another butterfly flopped to the ground. "uh-oh, keep your feet on the benches please," the teacher said. "maybe this butterfly needs to dry its wings first."

soon all the butterflies had flown away. "well, there they go... they look happy among the flowers," the teacher said. "yeah..." said the kids, looking at the butterflies darting around the bushes.

"are you gonna let the caterpillars go now?" asked marston, looking at the teacher. the teacher smiled. "no, because the caterpillars have turned into butterflies. it's kinda like how you are going to to turn into adults when you grow up... now you're caterpillars. caterpillars turn into butterflies, and children turn into adults. does that make sense?"

the sound of an approaching schoolbus distracted the children, so marston never said if he understood. "schoolbus, schoolbus!" "hi schoolbus!" they jump around, excited. the big kids walked past us, into the building... bigger caterpillars too important for the little caterpillars. the schoolbus drove away. "bye schoolbus, bye bye!" the kids waved vigorously. "bye bye!"

the children stare at the schoolbus until it turned a corner. and then they looked at the teacher expectantly. "let's go play in the playground, shall we?" the teacher asked. "yeah!" the kids said, rushing towards the door, eager to get on a tricycle, or snag a ball, or play in the sandbox, or go down the slide, or just run.

none of them looked back at the butterflies.

almost there.

in about 12 hours i should be leaving for california. and in about 36 hours i should be in palo alto, where i'll be spending my next two months. my predominant feeling is one of nervousness, not about my internship or the class i'm gonna take, but about staying with the grad student and his girlfriend for a week before moving into the God-sent cottage where i'll be staying the rest of the time. what if it's weird? i don't know either of them at all, except the grad student whom i've been corresponding with through email. but it's always been about business... he sounds nice though. and it was really nice of them to open their home to me, but i'm scared! it's kinda funny how that worry is blocking off any excitement or anticipation i might feel otherwise. kinda.

anyhow. my summer at stanford is finally gonna happen. thank you to everyone who's been holding my hand through this rollercoaster... especially those who sympathized and celebrated with me, put in the time and effort to help me find a place to stay, and prayed for me.

let's see if stanford is gonna live up to it's hype.

prayer of st. francis.

lord, make me a channel of thy peace;
that where there is hatred, i may bring love;
that where there is wrong, i may bring the spirit of forgiveness;
that where there is discord, i may bring harmony;
that where there is error, i may bring truth;
that where there is doubt, i may bring faith;
that where there is despair, i may bring hope;
that where there are shadows, i may bring light;
that where there is sadness, i may bring joy.

lord, grant that i may seek rather to comfort than to be comforted;
to understand, than to be understood;
to love, than to be loved.
for it is by self-forgetting that one finds.
it is by forgiving that one is forgiven.
it is by dying that one awakens to eternal life.
amen.

cheeese!

slot machines at the las vegas airport.


mommy and me!


brooms from the sorcerer's apprentice.


the honorary oregonian. =)


horse-drawn carriage in front of the french quarter at the resort.


me and my birthday cake. =)


mommy in front of autzen.


the malaysian under the shade... haha.


i love this picture from obama's rally!


beach balls. at a political rally.


obama!


the closest picture i have to bill clinton... haha. i only had my phone camera with me at the rally, and #1 you can barely see him and #2 i don't know how to upload pictures from my phone!


in case you couldn't read the words... =P

more on facebook!

basta!

why do things keep piling up?! stop!
seriously, the more things i have to do the more i develop an aversion to doing ANYTHING.
except eat and sleep.
meh.

sour grapes.

i'm just about done with my first school year here at the UO. it's a strange feeling... one of accomplishment and pride, but at the same time some dissatisfaction and regret. i know that if i go back i probably wouldn't have done anything differently, and if i was faced with the same situation i probably would do the exact same thing... so i don't know if it's dissatisfaction and regret exactly, but i wish some things could have been different.

i think i came to oregon with this idea of what college "should" be like; what a "fun" friday night is, the "cool" people i wanted to get to know and hang out with, the parties where i wanted to see and be seen, how many friends i should have etc. i think because of these preconceived notions, i spent a lot of my time wishing i wasn't where i was doing what i was doing. i didn't live in the present as much as i would've liked to. don't get me wrong... i met an awesome bunch of people, and we did some pretty cool stuff. sure we were boring and bored sometimes, but i found people i was comfortable with - people i could laugh with, people i could talk with, and people i could sit and do nothing with wondering what we should do.

i'm talking more about the times i was alone. i think the biggest lesson i've learnt this year in ADELLE488 is that i'm okay with being alone. i don't need to be the social butterfly who goes to parties every weekend and has to stop every two minutes when walking in between classes because i keep bumping into someone i know. i don't need to have someone walking with me. i like having a small group of friends. i'm also a strong believer in true friendships that stand the test of time and distance and long silences. i'm a nerd. i like to do well in school. sometimes i wish it didn't matter so much to me, but honestly, it defines a lot of who i am. i've always felt guilty about working hard and scoring As, because i feel as if i'm losing out on the more important things in life. but then i wonder who decided what those important things are, and why they should be important to me.

so yeah, this year i constantly felt torn between doing what i was doing and what i thought i should be doing. and i think that's where some of the dissatisfaction and regret come in. but at the end of the day, i wouldn't have things any other way, even though the world tells me i should. i guess the conclusion i've come to is i need to stop wanting the things i think i should want because i don't really want them, and start enjoying the things i think i shouldn't want but really do want. i need to start being more, instead of wondering where i should be.

there's more right with the adelle i know then i give her credit for.