apakah "hak" sebenarnya?

negaraku.

the more i read about post-colonial malaysian history, outside of our history textbooks and the malaysian media, the more i understand why we are where we are today, and the more i doubt we will ever get out of this vicious cycle.

i think the malaysians of my generation in particular, of all races and religions, have been done a great injustice, and malaysians, again of all races and religions, will inevitably face the consequences. i know i sound pessimistic and cynical when i say this, but i can't help but feel like this is probably as close to 1malaysia as we will get.

25 years.

"do you love me?

do i what?

do you love me?

do i love you?
with our daughters getting married
and this trouble in the town
you're upset, you're worn out
go inside, go lie down!
maybe it's indigestion..

golde, i'm asking you a question... do you love me?

you're a fool!

i know... but do you love me?

do i love you?
for twenty-five years i've washed your clothes
cooked your meals, cleaned your house
given you children, milked the cow
after twenty-five years, why talk about love right now?

golde, the first time i met you
was on our wedding day
i was scared

i was shy

i was nervous

so was i

but my father and my mother
said we'd learn to love each other
and now i'm asking, golde
do you love me?

i'm your wife!

i know... but do you love me?

do i love him?
for twenty-five years i've lived with him
fought with him, starved with him
twenty-five years, my bed is his
if that's not love, what is?

then you love me?

i suppose i do

and i suppose i love you too

it doesn't change a thing
but even so
after twenty-five years
it's nice to know."

- do you love me?, fiddler on the roof.

cem palavras.

last night i dreamt of a kitten that kept trying to bite me and then i realised it was a vampire kitty and it was sucking my blood.

and then i dreamt that i walked into a pool of water and when i walked out my legs were covered in leeches.

and then i dreamt that i was in the middle of a war and i was trying to hide from "them" and "they" found me and were taking me to a concentration camp.

strange in itself, but even stranger that these dreams followed what was a very good day.

"oh i know that the music's fine like sparkling wine
go and have your fun."

- save the last dance for me, the drifters.

on giving.

and what is fear of need but need itself?
is not dread of thirst when your well is full, thirst that is unquenchable?

- the prophet, khalil gibran.