there is no cake.

it's weird to be back in the states. i keep experiencing flashes of familiarity, of memories that had been tucked away somewhere in my mind. the brands sold in grocery stores, the restaurants available, the american dollars and quarters, the tv shows and ads, mass... it's strange, i think, because the us never really became home for me and yet this is where i spent almost two years of my life, so i'm surprised when things are recognizable, and surprised when things appear foreign.

it doesn't help that i came over here alone, leaving loved ones behind, just like i did almost four years ago... but this time i'm just here for a few weeks, and i'm meeting up with people from such different stages of my life - an old friend from secondary school, an old friend from the university of oregon, and my family. it's a confusing mix of same and different.

more than anything, it's the emotional flashbacks that i wasn't quite expecting. i now remember how much i turned inwards while i was here, how much self-reflection i did. i remember how independent and self-sufficient i was almost forced to become. but at the same time, being here has reminded me that it wasn't all bad, and that this part of me is still there if i ever need it.

i now see how i've had a lot of strong wind, earthquake, fire and walking on water since i've left the states, and while i was here there was a lot more of the quiet whispering.

on a separate note, people here say i speak with a british accent, but people in the uk say i sound american. last week someone asked me how they say 'lunch' in the uk.