the inner child.

i had a good day at bing... or rather a good morning, cos i'm going back there in a bit. it always feels like such an achievement when kids you've just recently started working with actually approach you and start up a conversation, remember something you did with them last week, ask you to follow them somewhere, want you to sit at their snack table, or try to convince you to stay for story-time.

the highlight of today was when a 3-year-old offered me a hug and gave me an unexpected peck on the cheek! that totally made my day. =)

on my walk back home today, i remembered something my daddy told me about the younger me. he said that when i was a kid, i was always "the leader". when i ran, the other kids ran, when i stopped, they did too. when i wanted to play something, i generally managed to convince (force?) the other kids to play too, and i got to decide if younger kids could join us too.

the interesting thing is, most of what i remember of my childhood, especially in kindergarten/school isn't like that at all. i remember often feeling like the odd one out - the overgrown one (because i was often the tallest... and widest). i also remember seeking approval from the leaders of the pack, and often feeling as if i fell short. until i was a teenager, i don't actually remember feeling as if i had a secure group of friends.

so... the theory i've come up with is maybe growing up, i was always more comfortable, or more secure with younger kids than with my peers. and maybe that's something that has stayed with me til now. i mean, i don't bully them like i probably did when i was younger (unintentionally!), but with kids i feel more in control. i feel as if i fit. i know what makes them happy, and they make me happy effortlessly.

i have friends my age that i love and feel comfortable with too. and there are so many ways that those friends beat kids flat... you can't play jewish holiday or go yum cha with 3-year-olds.

it's just that for me, sometimes things feels easier with kids.