just keep swimming.

wow. and i thought i was gonna be updating my blog more often this year. i have so many different things that i've been meaning to blog about that i can't remember all of them and i definitely don't wanna dump it all into one post... so i'll just skim the surface for now. it's been intense since i last blogged!

first of all, i'm glad i had the two weeks in eugene before school started. i thought about it and realized that i've never had that "laze-hang out-nothing to worry about" experience in eugene before this... last year i got here and had to settle in before jumping straight into my 18-credit+work+research fall term. then winter break was i guess the closest thing to the two weeks, but when i wasn't traveling i wasn't in the best of spirits. winter term was similar to fall term, and then spring break was awesomely awesome with the snafuir, but it wasn't a do nothing kinda trip (which i'm not complaining about). spring term was similar to winter term was similar to fall term, and then i was off to california and then home. =) so yeah, it was nice to go out for meals, lay out in the sun(!), fall asleep in the sun, go hiking, and just be able to relax and spend time with people without thinking about what i needed to get done after.

and now about my term so far. it's been busy. i know i'll probably be able to handle the 18 credits like i did all last year, but knowing that i have grad school research and grad school applications and the gre and my honors thesis to worry about on top of school kinda scares me. should take it a little easier? maybe. actually, most probably. but something's telling me that i just need to get into some kinda groove. that, and the deadline for dropping classes and getting a full tuition refund has passed.

that being said though, the term hasn't been all bad so far. i know people in my classes! and i'm taking a ballet class, which has been a lot of fun. it's so weird to have my body do things that i didn't consciously remember, but remembered once i did it, if that makes sense. and it's been funny to fall all over the place while trying to balance on one leg on tiptoe or attempting pirouettes. but other people are falling around too so i don't feel so bad hehe. work has been fun... it's nice to know the routines and how to handle situations. the kids are adorable, as always. i've proposed a research area to the grad student i'm working with for my honors thesis and she seems to think it's a good, untapped area, so yay. i've managed to secure a spot for my special ed field study, also at moss street. i will most probably be working with a boy with autism which is great because i'm taking a class specifically about autism this term, and it'll be great to get the hands on experience.

i think the best thing about being back in eugene and school so far is that this time i feel more prepared to be here. i am more here than i was before. i feel more in control, more content. i feel surer of what to expect and what i want. i am more aware of what i should and need to do. i have learnt more about me in relation to other people, and about other people in relation to me. i care less about some things and more about others. i feel as if i think for myself more. it's good.

and that was the surface haha.

"i'm high but i'm grounded
i'm sane but i'm overwhelmed
i'm lost but i'm hopeful baby

what it all comes down to
is that everything's gonna be fine, fine, fine
i've got one hand in my pocket
and the other one is giving a high five."

- hand in my pocket, alanis morissette.