hyperachiever.

winter term 2009 has still been suspiciously laid back for me. and i can't shake the feeling like there's something unpleasant lying in wait for me somewhere, just waiting to jump out at me with a deafening "BOO!". or that there's a huge pile of work i'm not seeing that's swaying precariously, about to topple over and smother me any minute. but but but... why spoil a good thing by anticipating an adverse turn of events that's bound to happen eventually right? live in the moment. yup. no need to deal with the work that i could do but isn't urgent enough yet to warrant immediate attention. =)

today we did this "speed dating" thing in my management class to choose our project teams. each of us had completed a "strengths finder" questionnaire online (that we had to pay $20 for!) to find out what our top five strengths are (mine are input, achiever, learner, connectedness and analytical), and then we had to put our names, five strengths, and life mission statement on a "name tent". this class reminds me of the motivational talks i had to attend as a prefect in primary and secondary school. haha.

anyway, so we were divided into two groups - one group remained seated, and the other group had to choose people to introduce themselves to based on their five strengths and mission statement. at least, that was the selection criteria we were supposed to use. after about four rounds, the groups switched places so the group that was previously seated now got to choose the people they wanted to meet. at the end of another four rounds, we were then told to form our groups. that was an interesting experience. i felt bad for kinda rejecting (i didn't really say a flat out "no") some of the people that wanted to be on my team, but at the same time i wanted to go for the people that i was really impressed with and felt like i could work with. actually, let me rephrase that: i knew i could work with all of them, but i wanted to be in a team with people that i wanted to work with. it wasn't like everyone wanted to be on my team, though, and all i had to do was say yes or no; there were a couple of people i was interested in but that i didn't get a reciprocal vibe from, and people that had already formed their groups before i could get to them. but at the end of the day, i got a team of people who seem to be capable and motivated. a couple of them labeled themselves as "overachievers", so i knew right away that we had some common ground. =)

for my marketing class, my lecturer had us fill out a student profile, and then put us into groups based on our interests and self-reported strengths and weaknesses. i feel good about that group too - one of the members is one of the most vocal in class and seems to know his stuff, another has already graduated with a degree in political science and economics, and the last member suggested that we use his uncle's company for our project, and then volunteered to put together our proposal that's due next week. volunteered.

so anyway, the point of this ramble was that through these experiences, i have come to realize how achievement-oriented i really am (have become?). i've always thought of myself as a reasonably good leader, because no matter what group i get put into, i can usually find a way to delegate tasks, and then pull everything into a cohesive whole. being as anal-retentive as i am, i am never satisfied until i feel the project/task is as complete as it can be, and so the end result is typically satisfactory, if not impressive. good team performance = good leading? now i think about it, i wonder how much of my group's success and my "success" as a leader can be attributed to my ability to manage a group effectively, and how much of it is actually just me dominating and micro-managing so my grade wouldn't suffer. maybe i'm not as people-oriented as i thought i was, at least in situations where my group's product directly affects my academic well-being.

i'm still trying to decide if that's a good thing. i mean, it's helped me to do as well as i've done thus far, but at the same time shouldn't it be more important to ensure that my group members are benefitting not just from being able to sit back and let me do all the donkey work, but by actually learning something and applying their knowledge? shouldn't i be as rewarded from the satisfaction of having helped others do well as i am from seeing another A on my transcript? shouldn't i be excited about how i can form new relationships with my classmates, instead of just analyzing and judging them based on how much or how little they're going to pull down my grade in the class? should i have said "yes" to the people who wanted to be on my team, even if i feel as if they wouldn't have worked as hard or as well, since my grad school apps are in and since it feels like i'll have more time on my hands to do group-work this term? and why do i make it sound as if i'm the sole reason for the successes of the groups i've been in, when i know that it is definitely not the case (90% of the time at least. =P)?

hmm.