the blitzkrieg bop.

it's been a great holiday so far. a "real" one, you know, one that doesn't involve long to-do lists and constant productivity, but does involve an enjoyable level of activity, friends and family, books, naps and movies. but it was never going to last forever, and although i have about two weeks left of this "real" holiday (before most people leave!) i already feel the pressure of figuring out what to do with myself for the next two months or so. every time i'm bored at home i freak out because there's this phobia of being "trapped". it's funny, i thought i would've gotten better at the whole stay-at-home alone thing after all that practice being an antisocial nerd in eugene... but maybe that's where the fear stems from, no?

and then there's sorting out cambridge - i found out i got accepted into girton college (yay! =D), but i still haven't heard from the cambridge trusts about scholarships. most of what i've read online has only confused me and/or made me even more nervous - some people say that scholarships continue to be awarded through september, some say all the full scholarships have been awarded, some say we will find out by the end of july, some say that if we are successful we will hear through email and that if we aren't we will be notified through snail mail - which could take ages to get here! it's a lot of money, and i really want(ed) to do this post-grad thing on my own... in fact, i remember saying that if i didn't get a scholarship i wouldn't go. but... gah! of course, there are other sources of funding that i should and will look into, but it's a tedious process that i've started but have been skirting.

i'm also supposed to take the toefl again, which i find pretty ridiculous because i graduated from an english-speaking institution, i've taken it before (but the score has since expired), i have valid sat and gre scores, and i'm technically a native english speaker! i emailed them about it a while ago but haven't gotten a reply, and today i realized that the deadline for meeting my conditions is july 31st, and then i found that the soonest i can take the toefl here is july 25th. scores don't come out til like two weeks later! so. i'm gonna have to call them... and hopefully either get out of taking the test, or get them to allow me to send in the scores late. any other outcome would really, really, really suck.

BUT. i'm just feeling overwhelmed today... or rather, tonight. i just need to get out of passive holiday mode and act, and i'm sure things will fall into place, one way or another. at any rate, i think i'm done with the lazing for a bit... hey! ho! let's go!

"just when you think you're in control
just when you think you've got a hold
just when you get on a roll

here it goes, here it goes, here goes again
oh here it goes again
i should have known, should have known, should have known again
but here it goes again
oh here it goes again."

- here it goes again, okgo.