raindrop ripples.

today was the first time since getting back that i missed having a core group of friends.

things were so much simpler with a "gang"... if any of us wanted to go out, he/she knew exactly who to ask along. when we did go out, we formed the nucleus, and everyone else was on the circumference. there were inside jokes, nuances, memories that only we had access to. i knew what to expect from each, and i knew what was expected of myself.

tonight there was no core. there weren't any outsiders that needed to be included, because each of us was, in one way or another, an outsider.

i've grown to accept that the core group i had in malaysia is no more - we're all still friends, but it will never be the same. i've also come to accept that i cannot and should not remain attached to my core group in the states. i also know that having a core sometimes limits you, and that not having a core is an opportunity to broaden networks and step outside one's comfort zone. the fact that i had/have two cores reminds me that things are only going to get more complicated and more peripheral from here on out. or rather from two years ago on out, in my case.

but yeah, tonight i missed being part of a core.

"namun, takkan mudah bagiku
meninggalkan jejak hidupmu
yang t'lah terukir abadi
sebagai kenangan yang terindah."

- kenangan terindah, samsons.