Wednesday 29 October 2008

twinkle toes.

i remembered my ballet shoes both times this week! =D

"chaines, chaines, chasse, pas be bourree
glissade, jete, jete, pique
pas de bourree, en tournant, pas be bourree, en tournant,
chasse, pas de bourre, glissade, pas de chat..."


yes, i'm in econs again. but my professor hasn't started lecturing yet. and i'm sweaty. not related.

green grass.

you know, i don't know why i get so unsatisfied with my life every so often. actually, you don't know. or if you do, please tell me.

i have so many things going for me, and really, life is good... but then i hear about what people did last weekend, what they're planning to do over winter break, the places they're planning to go, the new people in their lives, the old people in their lives, how they're doing in school and goodness knows what else (maybe goodness doesn't know either) and for some reason i simply cannot fathom, i feel like i'm missing out.

the weirdest thing is, whatever they're doing is not necessarily what i want to do, and if i had the choice i might not have even chosen what they chose, but i still feel somewhat resentful. i don't get it.

i feel like one of the kids at moss street who try to push another kid off a bike so he/she (usually a he) can ride it. watching them i just know that once the kid gets the bike, he/she will cycle around for all of two minutes before looking for something else to covet.

man, i really am a two-year-old at heart.

Monday 27 October 2008

b-a-n-a-n-a-s.

time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana!

apparently that was said by groucho marx, who i never knew was a real person.

that is all.

Saturday 25 October 2008

fun stuff.

i just got my last data analysis assignment back and i scored 19/20. i was below the class mean of 19.2. lol.

i can't wait for my request for fantasia to come through at the library! i'm excited.
anthea come watch with me! we can do econs while watching. =)

Wednesday 22 October 2008

my production-possibility frontier.

i've been neglecting my blog, haven't i? =( it's not like i haven't had anything to blog about... like last sunday, i had a really good day. i woke up bright and early (although it was still dark outside) to skype with my family, then attended mass. after that i actually finished my applied data analysis (which is as much fun as it sounds) weekly assignment, which i never finish on sundays! the earliest i've ever finished it is tuesday morning (it's due tuesday at 3pm), and the latest was 2.50pm. that was not a fun day. anyway, i went for lunch with a bunch of friends at about 1, which was a lot of fun. i'm determined to make that a weekly event, yes? =) then i went to the library to do my readings for my autism class, went home to finish my accounting and econs homework, went to the rec center, showered, cooked and had dinner, and then watched mulan with my housemates - without my laptop or textbook in front of me! then i was more than ready for bed, but then found out that i had a short paper due on thursday, so i decided to get it over with. cranked something semi-coherent out, and only then did i call it a day.

that was such a productive day, but what made it great was that i also managed to do non-nerdy stuff with different groups of people. =) i've been getting better at that, really! like on monday, i even went for bubble tea with sean, bryan and a couple of other girls. i got bullied of course, but it was nice to be able to put everything else aside for a while and just hang out on a non-weekend.

today has been an off day for me... something's not quite right, but i don't know what. maybe i'm just tired. i woke up at 8 and walked to a professor's office in the freezing cold (!) because it said on the psych website that she had office hours from 8-9, but apparently that was a mistake and she wasn't there. i had a midterm for accounting at 10, and i had such a hard time getting myself to study for it. i mean, i don't think i really needed to study, simply because i have been attending classes and paying (some) attention and keeping up with my assignments. oh, and also because the stuff we're learning is what i learned four years ago. in malay. but still, i felt obligated to do something. so i flipped through the textbook a little bit while watching rachael ray and i think i did fine. i munched. i forgot to bring my ballet shoes to class. again. so i had to do pirouettes in socks which annoyed me to no end. then i walked to another professor's office and realized i forgot to bring the stuff i was planning to drop off. and now i'm in econs.

like right now. my professor's lecturing as i type. it's a good thing i have four days to prepare for my midterm. it's also helpful that my econs chapters are so much shorter and easier to get through than data analysis. that's doesn't say very much tho.

okay, okay! i'll pay attention now.

Tuesday 14 October 2008

too good?

"how my days they spin me 'round
and how today it sets me down
and how my days they spin me 'round
and how today it sets me down

alongside you."

- and then you, greg laswell.

somehow... despite the distance, despite the time.
despite the differences, despite you.
despite me.

Saturday 11 October 2008

last night.

man, i am not watching shaolin soccer again for a long, looong time.

i'm glad it was with you guys tho. =)

life will never be the same lol.

Thursday 9 October 2008

bang, bang, shoot shoot.

i'm happy it's been sunny over the past few days. not particularly warm, but sunny. =)
i've been listening to the beatles tonight, and i can't put my finger on what exactly i like about them... but they make me happy too.

i wonder if i'll hear people 20-40 years younger than me listen to britney spears and backstreet boys in the future.
and i don't quite know how to feel about that.

"picture yourself in a boat on a river,
with tangerine trees and marmalade skies.
somebody calls you, you answer quite slowly,
a girl with kaleidoscope eyes.

cellophane flowers of yellow and green,
towering over your head.
look for the girl with the sun in her eyes,
and she's gone."

- lucy in the sky with diamonds, the beatles.

on top of spencer's butte.

Wednesday 8 October 2008

just keep swimming.

wow. and i thought i was gonna be updating my blog more often this year. i have so many different things that i've been meaning to blog about that i can't remember all of them and i definitely don't wanna dump it all into one post... so i'll just skim the surface for now. it's been intense since i last blogged!

first of all, i'm glad i had the two weeks in eugene before school started. i thought about it and realized that i've never had that "laze-hang out-nothing to worry about" experience in eugene before this... last year i got here and had to settle in before jumping straight into my 18-credit+work+research fall term. then winter break was i guess the closest thing to the two weeks, but when i wasn't traveling i wasn't in the best of spirits. winter term was similar to fall term, and then spring break was awesomely awesome with the snafuir, but it wasn't a do nothing kinda trip (which i'm not complaining about). spring term was similar to winter term was similar to fall term, and then i was off to california and then home. =) so yeah, it was nice to go out for meals, lay out in the sun(!), fall asleep in the sun, go hiking, and just be able to relax and spend time with people without thinking about what i needed to get done after.

and now about my term so far. it's been busy. i know i'll probably be able to handle the 18 credits like i did all last year, but knowing that i have grad school research and grad school applications and the gre and my honors thesis to worry about on top of school kinda scares me. should take it a little easier? maybe. actually, most probably. but something's telling me that i just need to get into some kinda groove. that, and the deadline for dropping classes and getting a full tuition refund has passed.

that being said though, the term hasn't been all bad so far. i know people in my classes! and i'm taking a ballet class, which has been a lot of fun. it's so weird to have my body do things that i didn't consciously remember, but remembered once i did it, if that makes sense. and it's been funny to fall all over the place while trying to balance on one leg on tiptoe or attempting pirouettes. but other people are falling around too so i don't feel so bad hehe. work has been fun... it's nice to know the routines and how to handle situations. the kids are adorable, as always. i've proposed a research area to the grad student i'm working with for my honors thesis and she seems to think it's a good, untapped area, so yay. i've managed to secure a spot for my special ed field study, also at moss street. i will most probably be working with a boy with autism which is great because i'm taking a class specifically about autism this term, and it'll be great to get the hands on experience.

i think the best thing about being back in eugene and school so far is that this time i feel more prepared to be here. i am more here than i was before. i feel more in control, more content. i feel surer of what to expect and what i want. i am more aware of what i should and need to do. i have learnt more about me in relation to other people, and about other people in relation to me. i care less about some things and more about others. i feel as if i think for myself more. it's good.

and that was the surface haha.

"i'm high but i'm grounded
i'm sane but i'm overwhelmed
i'm lost but i'm hopeful baby

what it all comes down to
is that everything's gonna be fine, fine, fine
i've got one hand in my pocket
and the other one is giving a high five."

- hand in my pocket, alanis morissette.