done.

i feel like it's about time for a proper, update-y post. not really for anyone else, but for myself, so i can one day look back at this post and be reminded of the past month. but it would be impossible to do the past month justice in a blog post, and i find it hard to imagine ever forgetting the past month anyway.

italy was great. i literally subsisted only on pizza, pasta and gelato... and sunshine. lots and lots of sunshine. and churches. lots and lots of churches. each place i visited had its own charm - assisi and its cobbled streets and steps, rome with history at every corner, rimini and its beach.

and when i was in rimini i found out i got a full scholarship from the cambridge trusts to do my phd here, which made me jump around in my hostel room for a bit. in the same wave of emails, i also found out that i got rejected by king's college london, and that i have a chance at graduating with distinction for my master's degree.

i had a lot of time to think while i was in italy. and not just think, but also to feel, and to feel intensely.

i thought my time in italy was great, but in some ways the time since, back in cambridge, has been even better. never has so much time passed more quickly and more serenely. my birthday started with socks, continued with breakfast in bed, a quiet morning, brilliant sunshine, a pleasant walk, tea and scones in an apple orchard, dinner with friends, champagne, sparkling wine, and chocolate cake, and ended with my room decorated in roses, tulips, and a potted plant (i still don't know what it is exactly... but it looks good!).

i haven't quite started work yet, but am easing myself into it. in the meantime, i'm collecting memories. like from earlier today, when i climbed through a window to have pasta in the sunshine (dressed in a tank top and shorts - and i felt warm!), climbed back through to get a pineapple, and then proceeded to eat half of it (which made my mouth hurt).

everything has been so amazing (read: a-mai-zing) that it's hard not to look for the catch, to brace myself for the fall. but for now, i'm just being.
and doing a pretty good job, if i may say so myself. =)

"well maybe you should just drink a lot less coffee,
and never ever watch the ten o'clock news,
maybe you should kiss someone nice,
or lick a rock,
or both.

maybe you should cut your own hair
'cause that can be so funny
it doesn't cost any money
and it always grows back
hair grows even after you're dead."

- ghost of corporate future, regina spektor.

he is not a priest, nor a married man.

"Não sou nada.
Nunca serei nada.
Não posso querer ser nada.
À parte isso, tenho em mim todos os sonhos do mundo."

- Álvaro de Campos (Fernando Pessoa).




i am nothing.
i will never be anything.
i cannot wish to be anything.
bar that, i have in me all the dreams of the world.

five red roses.

yesterday i sat on a beach, alone... listening to the sound of the sea, feeling the sun on my skin.
and i was at peace.

wave in, wave out.

wave in, wave out.

"maybe this won't last very long
but you feel so right
and i could be wrong
maybe i've been hoping too hard
but i've gone this far
and it's more than i've hoped for."

- for the longest time, billy joel.

rojak.

i have so much to say but i don't know where to start and it feels like nothing can do it justice so for now

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

will have to suffice.

i know this wasn't a very informative post, sorry. i just needed an outlet.

ah, life is good. =D

muito obrigada.

"sin is behovable, but all shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well."

- julian of norwich.

BUMP!

bossa nova.

today has been an exceptionally good day.

that is all.

=)

jasmine pearls.

although the sun had to struggle a little bit, today turned out to be a gorgeous day. golden sunshine, blue sky, birds singing, flowers beginning to push their way up... i decided on an impulse to abandon my thick coats and make do with just a t-shirt and hoodie instead (and jeans; i didn't go half-naked, don't worry. or get too excited).

sounds nice, no? the thing is, it was only about 4 degrees outside.

that's the thing about everything appearing to be perfect, isn't it? it gives you a (false) sense of invincibility. when all seems to be going well, it's easy to shed the layers that you have built up around you because they seem superfluous. it's not as difficult to let go of inhibitions, because you feel complacently secure. and that's fine for a while.

but then you have to remember that 4 degrees really still is pretty cold, and that as much as you wish it wasn't, it still is winter. and that spring will come in time. and that maybe you should enjoy winter for what it is instead of rushing through it in your hurry to get it over with.

ah, patience.

"yeah, and i'm just a waste of her energy
and she's just a waste of my time, mm hmm
so why don't we get together
and we could waste everything tonight
and we could waste, and we could waste it all
tonight, yeah."

- wasting time, jack johnson.

thou shalt not.

three women caned under syariah law

whom were they having sex with and were they caned too?
and is it really anybody else's business? or anybody else's place to judge and punish?

oh mickey, you're so fine.

"i can be an idiot... please be magnanimous."

i haven't blogged for a while... almost a month now. quite a lot has happened, and i've been doing some soul-searching as a result. things were never black and white for me, but they seem even more equivocal now. what i want, what i should want, what i should do, where i want to be, why i want to do/be what/where i want to do/be, whom i want to surround myself with. priorities. interestingly i'm not as driven as i usually am to sort it all out in my head. it's scary not feeling in control, but maybe control is an illusion after all.

i think i'll try out this ambiguity for a while. i was told today that i'm "just a baby" at 21; maybe i should revel in the naivete that entitles me to. for a while. a while is all i really have, anyway.

"and all of these moments
just might find their way into my dreams tonight
but i know that they'll be gone,
when the morning light sings
and brings new things,
but tomorrow night you see
that they'll be gone too,
too many things i have to do,
but if all of these dreams might find their way
into my day-to-day scene
i'll be under the impression,
i was somewhere in-between
with only two,
just me and you
not so many things we got to do,
or places we got to be
we'll sit beneath the mango tree now."

- better together, jack johnson.