poker face.

when i first started at moss street, i had to participate in a short training session. one of the activities we had to do was pick a card at random (all the face cards had been removed from the pack), and put the card on our foreheads so that we couldn't see what card it was but everyone else could. we were told that ten was most desirable, and ace was the least so. we had to walk around the room and interact with everyone according to the card on their forehead - if they had a high card we were supposed to talk to them and smile at them as if it was someone we really liked and looked up to; if they had a low card we were supposed to treat them like someone we would rather not meet, or someone we would treat with contempt. we were given about five minutes to mingle.

at the end of the five minutes, we were told to stand where we thought we fell on the scale, with aces on the far left of the room, and tens on the far right. we were all pretty accurate - it didn't take us too long to figure out where we stood and how other people felt about us. five minutes. the leader of the session used this activity to emphasize how we should be aware about having favorites among the children we work with. as young as they are, they can tell if we are treating them like an ace or a ten. i work with one-and-a-half- to three-year-olds.

i have learnt that this exercise applies to the adult world too.
i have learnt that sometimes you are so obsessed about being a ten to someone you consider a ten but who only considers you a five, that you fail to realize there is someone you consider a nine who considers you a nine too.
i have learnt that just because you have a designated ten of hearts in your mind or heart, it doesn't mean you cannot have a ten of spades too. and i have learnt that not everyone thinks or feels that way.

once a ten, not always a ten.
there are many reasons why it happens, and it may or may not be (at least in part) your own (un)doing. maybe you're not a ten.
such is life.

"engkau pergi, aku takkan pergi,
kau menjauh, aku takkan jauh,
sebenarnya diriku masih mengharapkanmu."

- menjaga hati, yovie & nuno.

and it's not easy.