sink or swim.

has it really been more than a week since i last put up a post? time has just been simply speeding by, and already in less than 10 days i'll be back in eugene.

tanjung rhu.

(anthea)ahahahahahahaahahhahahii'mwakaahahaahahaha.


sweat! =.="(/anthea)

i've done a lot since i last blogged... i've celebrated birthdays. i've been to baskin robbins. i've been clubbing. i went down to malacca again and wandered around with anthea, absorbing the history behind the places i went to. i've been to a chiropractor. i've had lunch with mommy. i've hung out with my cousins in kiara, playing badminton and table tennis and taboo and then watching the merdeka fireworks. i've had dim sum and yong tau foo. i've driven! i've played scrabble with my family. i've been to subang parade, where my parents used to take me on really hot days so i could get some relief from the air conditioning there. and i've been to langkawi.

pantai pasir hitam.

langkawi, langkawi. it was... interesting. the first morning i was there i honestly wished i was home. and when it was time to go home i was glad i was going home, because i missed being home. that's really unusual for me because i usually get really excited about trips like these. i guess what i thought i'd get out of the trip was different from what i did get out of it.

waterfall at telaga tujuh.

but does that make it a bad trip? i don't think so. i had fun anyway, especially at the waterfalls and island hopping. i met new people, and for the first time in a long time i didn't hold back because of the knowledge that i probably would have to say goodbye really soon. i got to spend time with val. oh and i taught my fellow malaysians king's cup! aren't you proud of me, american friends? =) i got to see stars on the beach and watch a gorgeous sunset.

val and delle.

more importantly, i had to face what i've been trying to ignore since i got back. it hurt, and it still does. i still haven't come to terms with it and i still don't fully understand it. my heart and my head aren't in sync, and it's usually easier than this for my head to win. i will get over it eventually, but i'm not ready yet. not yet, not yet. not you.

i still want to fight, but when you fight change you've already lost. it's like arthur said at dayang bunting - if you're sinking in water you'll drown if you struggle, but if you relax you'll come back up to the surface naturally. i retorted with "yeah, after you die!".

thinking about it now, i guess all i can do is get tired of struggling, decide to relax, and hope to come up alive.

tanjung rhu.