all at sea.

hello world,

it feels like it's been a while since i've spent some time with you. have you missed me? i half-wish i could say i've missed you terribly but i think you deserve the truth and in all honesty i haven't been pining for you as much as i feel i should. i hope you aren't hurt by that, but you know what? i don't think you should. because i feel as if you don't really need me anyway. i might be wrong.

see i feel as if i've been spending a lot of time alone lately, and i'm actually quite liking it. it scares me sometimes, you know, because i feel as if i should need you more. and that if i need you more you might need me more too. but the thing is, i'm not quite sure if i want you to need me more. do you want me to need you more?

on one hand, i'm afraid that if i keep my distance from you as i am doing now, straining on the fragile, flimsy, fickle connection i have with you, it might be severed and i'll find myself adrift with no means of getting back to shore. and i might get seasick. i wouldn't like that. besides, i like sandcastles and coconut trees too.

but on the other hand, i feel as tho if i strengthen the ties between us i'd lose the freedom i have now, the independence i value so much. if you start needing me more i don't know if i would be able to meet your needs. i might flounder a bit, struggling to stay afloat, unable to disengage, before being dragged down by your deadweight. and then i'd drown. i wouldn't like that either.

i know, i know... it's all about finding the right balance between the two extremes. between seasickness and drowning, tho, seasickness seems to be the lesser evil.

just thought you should know. hope to hear from you soon!

love, me.

"i'm all at sea
where no one can bother me
forgot my roots
if only for a day
just me and my thoughts
sailing far away

like a warm drink it seeps into my soul
please just leave me right here on my own
later on you could spend sometime with me
if you want to, all at sea"

- all at sea, jamie cullum.