silence.

my first day of 2008 was a placid, languid one.

the highlight was going to church for mass at 11am, but finding out there was only one mass that day at 9am...
and then standing outside the dark, empty, quiet church, staring in, trying to decide whether or not to go in...
and then finding myself walking in despite my brain bashfully protesting, saying it would be weird if anyone saw me sitting there all alone ...
and then finding myself kneeling in prayer, in the dark, empty, quiet church, by myself...
all sense of time dulled because i had no clock, watch, or cellphone...
hearing the steady drip of water outside...
looking up everytime i heard something creak, my brain still self-conscious...
but feeling at peace, soothed...
thinking that that brief time when all else was temporarily suspended was probably better than simply going through the motions...
reflecting on the year past and the year ahead...
and then just sitting in

silence

until i felt i'd had enough, although i'm not sure "enough" is the right word to use...
and then getting up, dipping my finger and making the sign of the cross...
and then stepping outside...
into the rain.